Dr. Angry Jerk III, PhD
Objective
To kick ass and score with hot chicks. Also, to be the Anti-Christ.
Experience
March 2009 - Present		Shin-Ra Electric Power Company	Midgar
SOLDIER, 1^st Class § Fought in the Wutai War § Went on missions with the legendary Sephiroth § Assisted the Turks on various occasions
September 2001 - March 2009		Central Intelligence Agency	Langley, VA
Special Activities Division § Acted as a troubleshooter of sorts § Protected America and its interests abroad § CLASSIFIED
April 1996 – September 2001		Halliburton	Houston, TX
Security § Ensured that company secrets remained safe at all costs § Answered directly to Dick Cheney
May 1985 – February 1986		The Womb, Inc.	Wherever my mother went
Fetus § Being a fetus § Kicking my mother’s stomach § Leeching off my mother’s food supply
Education
September 1991 – July 1996	Harvard		Where the fuck is Harvard located again?
PhD in Pain § Also received a Master’s in disaster.
References
Beavis and Butthead, Final Fantasy VII, America: The Textbook, MC Hawking