Bam Margera is a faggot and his parents are annoying fucks

As sorry as I am to admit this, I find “Jackass” to be funny. Their outlandish over-the-top pranks, insanely dangerous stunts, and downright disgusting antics give me the perfect mix of “Holy shit, hahaha!” and “Oh my god, what the fuck dude?!” I mean, come on. It’s a bunch of dumbasses inflicting pain on themselves. To not find amusement in this would be un-American. Only one of those ching-chang-chong commie fucks over in China wouldn’t enjoy idiots hurting themselves.

While Jackass is fucking hilarious, there’s one big glaring issue with the show, or rather three:

In every skit that they’re part of, Bam Margera and his parents do nothing but piss me the fuck off. While Johnny Knoxville and Wee-Man are busy being awesome, Bam is there befouling their hilarious antics with his faggotry. “Hey guys, look at me, I can fucking skateboard.” “Dude, dude, dude!” “Oh my god a snake! I’m going to cry like a little bitch!” You hang out with guys who have the balls to wrestle pythons and let snakes bite their dicks. Squealing over being shut into a cage with a cobra makes you look like a pussy.

Alright, so the guy may have a phobia. I have no idea why he’d be on a show where people do dangerous stuff and fuck with each other, but fair enough. Everyone has their fears. I have the courage to take on an attacker wielding a knife, but I can’t look over the edge of a bridge without being terrified of the height. Still, this doesn’t excuse Bam for acting like a faggot all of the time, even off-camera. Amongst Google’s autocomplete suggestions when I type “Bam Margera is a” are “douche”, “douchebag”, “loser”, “jerk”, “drug addict”, “mess”, and “sell-out”. Internet forums are rife with stories about people who met Bam, and the general consensus is he’s an arrogant piece of shit. I also have a friend who met him once while dirtbiking, and he told me the same thing. Bam is nothing more than a holier-than-thou suburbanite spoiled brat whose only claims to fame are being able to kick around a board with wheels, having the right friends, and being a useless pretty-boy.

As for his parents, what a couple of annoying fucks. Like every other skit on Jackass has Bam’s parents involved somehow. We’re supposed to get the idea that Bam’s parents are “cool” because they hang out the Jackass crew, but really it’s just fucking weird. You guys are like what, 50? Why the hell are you hanging out with your son and his friends when they’re doing crazy shit? Fuck, why are you even hanging out with your son at all? People your age are supposed to be doing shit like planning your retirement and going through menopause, not participating in your son’s retarded pranks.

Bam’s pranks on his parents are fucking lame anyway. Digging a foxhole for his father to ride his lawnmower into? YAWN. Switching out his father in the middle of the night with another fat guy to scare his mom? ZZZZZ. Bam sucks at pranking his parents. When it comes to fucking with parents, Tom Green is infinitely funnier than this douchebag woodpusher. Tom Green has done all kinds of crazy and hilarious shit, like save his parents from a fire at 3 AM, paint lesbians on their car and name it the “Slutmobile”, painting their house plaid, asking them about their sex life on camera and giving them a statue of his father beating his mother, throwing a party in their room while they’re trying to sleep, and waking them up by throwing a severed cow’s head onto their bed. Seriously, watch all of those videos. Tom Green has Bam beat by a longshot. Some people accuse Bam of copying Tom Green, but that would imply that Bam’s shitty feeble attempts are even remotely funny, and they aren’t. Bam is lucky that Tom Green retired from being funny, because I’m sure if he didn’t retire he’d be fucking with Bam mercilessly. He’d probably take Bam’s shitty foxhole prank and use it against him by filling the hole with tons of garter snakes so he could watch Bam squeal like a little girl while the rest of the Jackass crew mocked him. Tom, if you’re reading this, please, please revert back to your ways from “The Tom Green Show” and make this obnoxious skater-bitch-boy’s life hell.

Fuck you Bam, and fuck your annoying parents too.