The 10 best things about music ever

I did an article about the ten worst things about music, so I’m going to do one about the ten best things about music. This one will be in order from the 10th to the 1st.

10. “I Ran (So Far Away)”

This was the first song I ever liked, and deserves a mention on this list. Yeah, A Flock of Seagulls had faggy haircuts back when this song came out, and the video for the song was stupid. The song itself is still cool though. I don’t listen to it as much as I used to, but it’s the song that got me into music.

9. The Beatles

The Beatles are a bit overrated, but they’re still pretty good, so I won’t deprive them of being on this list. My favorite songs by them are “Eleanor Rigby,” “Nowhere Man,” “Yellow Submarine,” “I am the Walrus,” “Let It Be,” “Helter Skelter,” and “Lucy in the Sky.” Also, Yellow Submarine was an awesome movie.

8. Mozart, Beethoven, and Bach

I don’t normally sit there and jam to these guys, but I have to give them recognition for the lasting impression they have left on music. In 300 years, nobody’s going to give two shits about Kanye West, Tupac, Green Day, or any of today’s stars. But Mozart, Beethoven, and Bach have lasted all these years, which is impressive and deserves a spot on this list.

7. Weird Al Yankovic

Weird Al is proof that you don’t always have to be overly vulgar to be funny. His songs are mostly family friendly, and still make me bust out laughing. He’s so good, that people credit him with songs that aren’t his. Good comedy without vulgarity is very rare nowadays, and Weird Al is one of the few people capable of pulling it off without coming across as being a faggot.

6. Ozzy Osbourne

I’m not a die-hard Ozzy fan, but his songs are pretty good. “Iron Man” and “War Pigs” are two of the best Black Sabbath songs. I also don’t believe it was Ozzy who chose to do the reality show on MTV, but his wife Sharon. His daughter sucks and his son is a fat gay piece of shit. Nothing much more to say here except that his family fucked him up.

5. “American Pie”

Not the movies obviously. I liked those too though, at least, the first three. This song, by Don McLean, is one of the most cryptically written songs around. Don McLean himself refuses to give the meaning of the lyrics. I’ve sat there and have been able to figure out the most likely meanings behind most of them. Besides being cryptic, it’s a pretty decent song.

4. John Lennon

I wish it was Paul McCartney that was killed and not John Lennon. I’m not going to go into the conspiracy theories behind his assassination (CIA did it). “Imagine” is overplayed on the local radio station, but is still a good song. One of his best and probably least known songs is “Working Class Hero.” Green Day did a cover of this, and while it wasn’t the worst cover I’ve ever heard, those pussies had no business doing it. Of course, Yoko Ono is a Jap, so I’m not surprised she fucked over Lennon by permitting them to do something like that.

3. Billy Joel

John Lennon actually deserves more respect than Billy Joel, but I listen to more Billy Joel songs than John Lennon songs, so Billy Joel is #3. Billy Joel kicking ass is the only thing me and my mother can agree on. His best song by far is “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” Other good songs by him include “Uptown Girl,” “Captain Jack,” “Ballad of Billy the Kid,” “Only the Good Die Young,” and “No Man’s Land.” “Piano Man” is the best drinking song I know. I’ve never been to one of his concerts, but I heard from multiple people that he puts on one hell of a show.

2. Iron Maiden

Fuck yes, now we’re at the best of the best. If Satan had a favorite metal band, it would be Iron Maiden. Bruce Dickinson has the second greatest voice I’ve ever heard. “The Trooper” is like the Mona Lisa of music. It’s hard for me to put my favorite songs above one another, but “The Trooper” is my favorite song ever. Listening to the guitar riff is like having sex, and I very rarely care for the instrumentals in music. The lyrics literally make me want to thrash someone or something. If this song was playing and I got into a fight with 20 gangstas (because you ain’t hardcore unless you fight in packs), I’d win simply because this song was playing. Other great songs by Iron Maiden are “Number of the Beast,” “2 Minutes to Midnight,” “Flight of Icarus,” “Fallen Angel,” “Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” “The Assassin,” and “Run to the Hills.”

1. Jello Biafra and the Dead Kennedys

Come on, you saw this coming. It’s hard to choose between the Dead Kennedys and Iron Maiden, but the Dead Kennedys just barely eeked over Maiden to the top of my list, due to Jello Biafra’s amazing voice. I did some reading up, and Jello Biafra had a falling out with the other members of the Dead Kennedys. The other members didn’t want to admit that Jello kicked ass, so they threw a baby fit. Jello wasn’t going to take that shit, so he said fuck it and left. He’s the owner of his own record label, while the rest of the Dead Kennedys are fading into obscurity without his voice. Nobody wants to hear the Dead Kennedys without Jello Biafra as the lead singer.

There isn’t a bad Dead Kennedys song out there, save for whatever they’ve released without Jello in it. My recommendations for those who want to listen to the Dead Kennedys for the first time are “California Uber Alles” (they did several versions of this song, the best one is the original, from the album “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables”), “We’ve Got A Bigger Problem Now,” (“In God We Trust, Inc.” version), “Kill the Poor,” “MTV Get Off the Air,” “Police Truck,” “Stars and Stripes of Corruption,” and “I Fought the Law (and I Won)”. Jello Biafra’s done some stuff with other bands after his departure from the Dead Kennedys, but I haven’t listened to any of it, so I can’t say anything about them. I assume it’s all awesome though.

Honorable Mention

There are several groups/songs that deserve mention, but not to be on the list.

Bon Jovi

Most people pass him off as faggy, but he’s actually not. Listen to “I’m a Cowboy,” “Shot Through the Heart,” “Living on a Prayer,” and “Runaway.” I haven’t heard more of his stuff, but those are alright songs.

“Sympathy for the Devil”

By the Rolling Stones, this is probably the only song of theirs I like. Mick Jagger is too damn old and needs to retire ASAP.

“The Virus of Life”

One of two songs I like by Slipknot. Most of their stuff sucks, but this is pretty damn good.

“Hello Zepp”

If you’ve ever seen the Saw movies, this is the song that usually plays at the end when the twist is revealed. I only like the version from the first movie. The conductor, Charlie Clouser, has an amazing piece of work here that deserves recognition.

The South Park Movie Soundtrack

Aside from being on of my favorite movies, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut has a pretty funny soundtrack to it.

I’ve thought about creating a torrent site account and uploading this stuff, but I lack the time right now.