Today I discovered that my “About” page might be lacking in some things, like answers to actual questions and not just shit that I made up off the top of my head.
Because I like my readers so much (no seriously, you guys rock), I’m offering you the chance of a lifetime. I’m offering you the chance to send me your questions so I can answer them.
HOLY SHIT BATMAN!!!
That’s right, now’s your chance to ask me, Angry Jerk, anything that your heart desires. Had a question about something I mentioned in a past article? Ask! Want to know what I think about something that I’ve never talked about on this site? Ask! Hell, need advice about some kind of problem you’re having in your life? Ask that shit, nigga!
Unfortunately, something as incredibly wicked and awesome as this can’t last forever, so I’m going to have to set a deadline of August 5th for any questions to be included. That’s two- count’em, two weeks for you to get off your lazy ass (or in this case, get on your lazy ass) and craft me your questions. Since I don’t want some jack-ass to send me a novel-sized list of inane questions, I’m going to have to limit the number of questions per sender to two questions only. That means if you’re one of the aforementioned jack-asses, you’re going to have to create a shitload of alternate email addresses. Additionally, any emails from people named “Nadeem Bitar” will be forwarded right to the Trash folder.
Now, due to the overwhelming one or two emails that I receive on a weekly basis, it’s imperative that you do something to distinguish your email from the usual “U ROCK AJ” or “Your weekly Facebook page update”. That’s why I’m asking you to put as your subject “Dear AJ”. Any emails that contain something along the lines of “I know I’m supposed to put ‘Dear AJ’ in the subject line but I don’t care lol” will be mocked relentlessly, and their included questions answered in the most nonsensical manner I can think of at the time.
So let’s go over the key points one more time, for those of you who weren’t paying attention:
- You can ask me anything you want.
- You have until the end of Friday, August 5th to ask. That’s two weeks from today.
- The limit is two questions per person, unless you have sockpuppet email accounts.
- Subject line should read “Dear AJ”.
- Any emails from Nadeem Bitar will be disregarded.
I look forward to the plentiful bounty of all four emails that I’ll receive.