About a month or so ago, I was in GameStop getting my fix of mocking Call of Duty fantards, when an advertisement on their TV caught my eye:
That’s right, a “Back to the Future” video game. The above trailer isn’t the exact one I saw, but it’s close enough to get my point across. The one I saw was for the Nintendo Wii, and consisted of all five episodes of the story. I immediately knocked some Call of Duty-playing faggot out of the way to ask the cashier about the game’s location. He irately pointed to a shelf right next to me. I thanked him by throwing a crumpled-up $20 bill at him and giving him the middle finger, then left the store to rejoin my friends and the one asshole we let tag along with us because we feel sorry for him.
A month or so later, I finally got around to playing the game. I hadn’t touched my Wii in several months, so I had forgotten about how much of a pain in the ass the motion sensor was in such small quarters as the room I keep my Wii. After about five minutes of fidgeting around, I found a nice comfortable space curled up against a wall and began playing.
The first thing I noticed was the horrendous lag. The poor little Wii just couldn’t handle the framerate of this game, especially during the cutscenes. For what it’s worth, later investigation confirmed that the computer version doesn’t have this problem.
Putting aside this very overt flaw, I pressed on, eventually gaining control of Marty in Doc’s lab. The controls were a fucking bitch. Even using the D-Pad was painstaking and at times off-putting. Eventually I got used to it and was able to work around it, but it still became pretty frustrating at times.
Two terrible flaws. Frame lag (which should NEVER happen on a console, EVER), and annoying controls. By now most gamers would have thrown aside this game and went back to their generic annually-released FPS’s and RPG’s. Thankfully, I’ve never considered myself a gamer. I pressed on, because after all, it’s Back to the fucking Future. I love Back to the Future. I even have a poster of that shit on my fucking wall:
I’m very glad I didn’t put the game down, because once the story began to unfold I was absorbed. I almost called out of work once or twice just so I could stay home and keep playing. I don’t want to ruin the game for others, so I won’t give away too much of the plot. Basically, you go back to 1931 and work with a young version of Doc to lock up Biff’s father and stop Doc from marrying Vice Principal Strickland’s sister and turning Hill Valley into a morally uptight police state. There’s more to it than that, but if you want a full summary, lrn2Googlefagit.
As far as the gameplay itself goes, it’s a very simplistic point-and-click deal, with no way to lose. The puzzles are pretty simple, and even if you can’t figure them out, there’s a help system that pretty much holds your hand throughout the game. This is what got the game mostly negative reviews. Strange, considering that normally video game critics are foaming at the mouth to give a game rave reviews based merely on its storyline. After all, that’s why Grand Theft Auto 4 is considered a “Masterpiece” by the dipshits over at IGN. God knows it can’t be because of all the annoying attempts at realism, like having to obey helmet laws on motorcycles or being able to fly through your windshield after a crash. I don’t need realism because I already live in the real world, you fucking numbskulls. I suggest you put down the Mountain Dew and Doritos and join me there. On second thought, don’t. I deal with enough assholes on a daily basis.
The voice acting is pretty good, and even the game’s haters agree on this. Christopher Lloyd reprises his role as Doc, while Marty’s voice is done by AJ LoCascio. Never heard of AJ LoCascio? Me either. But damn, this guy does a great job of impersonating Michael J. Fox’s voice. Seriously, the differences are pretty much nonexistent. I’d expect nothing less from a guy named AJ. There’s no Thomas Wilson, Crispin Glover, or Lea Thompson, but the rest of the voice actors do their jobs adequately enough that you’re able to recognize who’s supposed to be who.
All in all, this isn’t a bad game, and basically serves as an interactive fourth movie. In fact, it would have been pretty cool if Robert Zemeckis had made this as a movie back in the 80’s when Michael J. Fox was still young. Yeah, the game has its flaws. Still, I’d pick it over any of these stupid mass-produced “realistic” linear FPS’s, like Call of Dooky or Battlefail. I know I’ve said the exact opposite in the past, but this is one of those rare instances where you actually want to buy a game not for its gameplay but for its story.
My verdict? I give this game the AngryJerk.net Seal of Approval:
It just occurred to me that I never bothered to make my own Seal of Approval. I’ll have to get on that after I put this article up. In the meantime, just pretend it’s something cool and edgy, like a baby seal getting bashed in the head with a club or something.