Toblerone bars are fucking awesome

Behold, the apex of candy:

For you heathen bastards who don’t recognize this work of edible epicness, it’s a Toblerone bar. What the fuck is a Toblerone bar, you ask? It’s everything your pathetic and plebian ass will never be.

Created in the Swiss Alps by a lumberjack (rumored to be Yukon Jack, creator of the eponymous Canadian whiskey), this candy is forged from decimated boulders, ram horns, and the bones of defeated Nazi troops. It also has a hint of chocolate and honey.

Anyone who doesn’t like Toblerone bars is a faggot. Seth MacFarlane has gone on record saying that he doesn’t like Toblerone bars (source). I guess he’d prefer to munch down on a large black cock. Are you as much of a faggot as this douchebag:

Because if you don’t like Toblerone bars, you are on par with a smug liberal douchebag who likes campy 80’s references, musicals, and talking animals. You probably drive a Prius or a Kia too, you fucking spermlord.

Insults aside, here is a comprehesive list of reasons why Toblerone bars are fucking awesome:

1. I said so.

2. Stone Cold said so.

FACTOID: Right after this picture was taken the lights went out and the tolling of bells was heard. When the lights came back on, the Undertaker was standing in front of Stone Cold. Taker glared menacingly at Stone Cold, before drawing his hand across his throat in a slicing motion and uttering “Wrestlemania.” The lights went out again, and when they came back on Taker was gone, along with Stone Cold’s giant Toblerone bar.

3. Honey and chocolate both have a myriad of health benefits. Use Google on this one, it’s actually true.

4. Grace Slick used to eat them.

5. Your mom eats them. Along with my dick.

6. Have you ever even had one before? Seriously, go buy one, they’re fucking delicious.

7. Fuck you.

8. Stop reading this shit and go buy one, asshole.