This month’s Reddit Revue: r/Relationship_Advice!
Me and the girlfriend are coming up on ten years together.
I know, right? How the hell did I manage to keep someone around for an entire decade? I won’t sugar coat it for you dear readers, it’s because I have a big dick and I’m like the Michael Jordan of eating pussy.
It’s amazing, I went from barely being able to keep a woman around for a week to keeping one for ten whole years. Me, the guy who started this website and still does stuff like go to Reddit and talk shit about everyone there. Meanwhile I watch everyone else complain that they can’t get a girl, they’re 30 year old virgins, everyone else except for them is the problem, blah blah blah. I really lucked out finding a woman who not only isn’t batshit crazy, but also accepts who I am and doesn’t expect me to change for her. Likewise, I afford her the same courtesy.
But you didn’t come here to read about my relationship. You came here to see me heckle people on Reddit. In honor of my upcoming ten year anniversary, today’s Reddit Revue will be r/Relationship_Advice. Given the quality of advice we’ve seen on other parts of Reddit, I can only imagine what kind of relationship advice we’ll find at r/Relationship_Advice.
Let’s kick this bitch off.
This is normal parental banter you idiot. My mom did this shit all the time and I turned out just fine.
If the genders were reversed here the responses would be more to the effect of “SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO YOU! SHE CAN WEAR A RING IF SHE WANTS HER BODY HER CHOICE! DON’T BE A CONTROL FREAK!”
Your girl’s a hoe.
As someone who got caught banging a married woman, I can say that you should definitely tell the man, because nothing bad can possibly come from it. It’s not like he’s going to jump in his car and chase you down the street trying to kill you or something.
Your boyfriend is gay.
“We weren’t cheating with them. They just gave us massages, did shots with us, and kissed up our legs.”
If my girl did this I’d tell her enjoy her trip then go fuck half the women in her family. After that I’d call the boys over and we’d drag all her shit to the curb and give her underwear to the homeless guys at the park.
Then everyone would clap.
I can’t imagine why those guys would want to get away from their wives every night.
This is low-hanging fruit, and I won’t be touching it.
He’s cheating. How oblivious can you be, bitch?
People on r/Relationship_Advice are fucking stupid.
“My boyfriend hasn’t come back for three days.”
“He came back around 2 AM and then disappeared again.”
Which is it?
Yes.
Divorce that hoe.
Also, where might one procure one of these toys? Asking for a friend.
Neil Patrick Harris is going to personally come to your house and fuck you up.
I was going to make a comment about leaving the decision up to random strangers online, but I can’t get past the fact that this lady’s name is Pip. Now I’m picturing the most stereotypically British woman ever saying sexual things in an exaggerated East End accent, I can’t stop laughing, and my CFO is asking me if she needs to call an ambulance.
I’m honestly not sure if I got everything or if I even ordered these properly but it doesn’t matter. You don’t actually have to read all this bullshit, just scroll past the giant wall of text and read the guy’s reply. Dude wrote an entire thesis paper, and my man SomeRazzmatazz339 summed it up perfectly in two words.
Cheating parents or not, how is this even remotely possible?
Stop being gross, white boy.
Yes, unless they’re rich.
“Hey sweetheart, you turned me into a filthy fucking degenerate. Now hand me the Mossberg so I can Kurt Cobain myself.”
Probably for the same reason men and women get fat after marriage. Or the reason women stop giving blowjobs after marriage.
Based male gold digger. Slay king!
In completely unrelated news, the AJnet Organization has just announced a new partnership with whatever company this woman works for.
Ask me how I know you’re fat and ugly.
She’ll never be able to leave you if she’s dead, Voopoo_Vapor.
How can you respond to her if she hasn’t messaged you, dumbass?
“I have no flirt pizza yall”
There’s no way you’re 26. At best you’re probably 12. And mentally retarded.
Which of course, there’s nothing wrong with. But don’t front, bitch.
My man is really 34 years old and on Reddit asking how to make bitches cum.
Well this is awkward.
(Brought that Michael Jordan joke full circle!)
People on r/Relationship_Advice really have the dumbest problems.
Your asexual girlfriend does porn? Something’s fucky, in more ways than one.
Literally just say no, how is this even an issue?
Alright, I think I’m going to wrap this one up here and go watch Adam Carolla’s new show Mr. Birchum for absolutely no reason.
