REDDIT REVUE: r/breakingmom

This month’s Reddit Revue: r/breakingmom!

I rely too much on other people for these Reddit Revues.

I keep telling myself to sit down one night and go through Reddit to find candidate subs for future articles, but in the rare event that I don’t get distracted, I usually have no idea where to even begin looking. It’s just not in my nature to seek out stuff that makes me cringe or gets me riled up.

Sure, it’s easy to find instances of liberals being dumb and naive, but I can only say “haha look at the stupid liberal” so many times before it gets old, for both the reader and myself. Same with feminists and incels. It’s low-hanging fruit, and after a certain point even I’m sitting there yawning as I write it while contemplating what the hell I’m doing with my life.

That’s why I’m grateful for all the suggestions readers give me. Cave’s suggestions for subreddits are always clutch, and I kind of feel bad for him because he must get exposed to so much cringe to come up with these suggestions.

This time around though, we have a suggestion from a different reader. S.E. Ramirez, who’s been reading this site for at least eight years, possibly longer, offered up r/breakingmom as a potential target for a Reddit Revue. She also offered r/ghostbc and r/raisedbynarcissists. I happen to like the band Ghost, so that sub gets a pass, but I’ll file r/raisedbynarcissists for later. Good looking out, S.E.

r/breakingmom is a subreddit for mothers to vent, share recipes, discuss parenting techniques, and whatever bullshit mothers usually do on the internet. Doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? It wasn’t, until I read their rules:

Bitch, we gonna talk about BrMo right here on AJnet. We’re gonna talk so much shit about BrMo, we’re gonna call these bitches out on their shit, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

These kinds of rules are one of the reasons I can’t stand Reddit. That, and cross-banning people from other subreddits because the moderators are professional losers who spend their lives puffing their chest at people on Reddit because they’re depressed and mentally ill.

Oh wait:

Fuck jannies. Good thing their authority doesn’t extend beyond their Reddit hugboxes. The only one who can stop AJnet is me, motherfucker.

Anyway, let’s see what these bitches are trying to hide over at r/breakingmom.

Sounds like a team of real winners.

You nearly had a breakdown because you couldn’t buy your son processed cheese?

I guess it really isn’t easy being cheesy.

“DD15” sounds like a rejected Star Wars droid.

I see retardation runs in your family.

You’ll fit right in with the other uneducated retards running this country.

Also, maybe it’s just my phone, but it took eight tries to capture this whole post without the text in the screenshot being garbled for some reason. Is it Reddit sucking shit, or is it the Google Pixel? You decide!

“Omg the Trump administration is literally exactly like that shitty TV show where women get raped by religious zealots”

Just do what my mom did and beat the shit out of me. But make sure you warn the kid first by saying “If you don’t stop I’ll give you something to cry about!” Otherwise it’s child abuse, and child abuse is never okay.

That’s a whole lotta words. Too bad nobody’s gonna read’em.

It should have been obvious when the nanny screamed that it was all for the baby, then put a noose around her neck and threw herself off the roof.

Whenever I threw a tantrum, my mom would ask me how I was going to scream if I couldn’t open my mouth, then put duct tape over my mouth.

That usually shut me right up.

Second person to use the phrase “living in a dystopian nightmare”. Interesting.

Oh, and here I thought the sub’s name was just a reference to Breaking Bad.

You made the right call seeking advice from strangers on the internet. Whatever you do, definitely don’t go to the police.

You should do what my mom did to me when she caught me smoking. Make him smoke the entire pack, Beldar Conehead style.

I turned down a girl once when I was 11, and she continues to harass me to this day with bullshit about tax forms and company expenditures.

Give him a blowjob.

I just made a dump that took only one wipe to clean but three flushes to go down, but you don’t see me bragging about it, bitch.

Just do what my mother did and plop your kid in front of an NES while you go to the corner bar, occasionally returning to check on him and use the bathroom at home because the one at the bar is dirty.

Your husband is having an affair with one of the other kids’ moms.

Whenever my ADHD got out of hand, my mother would threaten to send me on a camping trip with my uncles Neil and Bob. That usually got me to behave.

Women really still get mad at their men for watching porn?

Brb deleting 100 GB of… uh, data.

I’m not gonna act like I never got my red wings or got blood on my dick once or twice but wtf bitch that shit ain’t normal

I don’t know how to explain what the hell is going on in your post.

These are the words of a loser.

How to Lose Custody 101

And when that doesn’t work, OnlyFans.

“No one is coming to my daughter’s birthday party.”

“Only one friend out of all her classmates is going.”

I guess nobody wants to go to a party thrown by a BIG FAT DIRTY LIAR.

Bitch I tol u I aint payin that shit ahaha ctfu

I know how you feel, I wish I died when my mom was in labor. Fuck this gay ass Earth.

Whenever I made a huge mess, my mom would put both my hands on the hot stove, then make me clean up everything while I had third degree burns on my hands.

It’s beginning to occur to me that she may not have been the best mother.

I wonder if this is how my girlfriend feels when I ask her why she’d rather shop at Wegmans when Aldi is a fraction of the price.

As I write this article (4/17), 4chan is currently down after being hacked.

I’m almost certain some sick fuck has found their way to Reddit and is reading this lady’s post looking at it like that meme of the black guy in the yellow suit.

This reminds me of the time my cousin complained to me that her boyfriend only got her a t-shirt for their anniversary while she got him some expensive gift. About five hours after she complained to me, she was posting that he proposed to her and showing off her ring.

You’re going to Mexico City in like two days, calm the fuck down and see what happens before you start treating your husband like an asshole.

How the fuck do you have an adult child but absolutely no social skills

I can recommend you an Obie.

OBIE TRICE REAL NAME NO GIMMICKS

12 AM music lessons? Doctors being paid like shit?

Something’s fucky here.

I’d like to hire him to write for the site.

I know I make a lot of jokes on here about my girlfriend, but the truth is I’m grateful that she’s not a mentally ill nutcase like this woman, who is having a spaz attack to internet strangers because her husband said that most people looked better when they were younger.

Alright, well that just about covers it for r/breakingmom.

I’m not going to pretend that I understand what it’s like to be a woman and have kids, but holy shit, some of these bitches are nuts. I’ve dated single moms before, I’ve even dated married women with kids older than me. Some of them were pretty crazy (I once dated an alcoholic who stuck me with watching her preteen daughter and her elderly mother with Alzheimer’s while she went gallivanting around the bars until 10 at night), but after reading r/breakingmom they’re starting to come across as reasonable and levelheaded ladies.

For next month’s Reddit Revue, I’m thinking it’s time we revisited one of our previous targets. I’m not quite sure which one yet, but if y’all have any suggestions let us know either in the comments or by email at [email protected].

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

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