Battlestation Reviews: Nike Ninja Edition

In this month’s Battlestation Review: 3D printers, Linus Tech Tips, Nike ninjas, and more!

I’ve been doing these Battlestation Reviews for about three years now, and after all this time I’m still not sure what direction I want to go with them.

Even though the series started out tongue-in-cheek with me making fun of Redditors for having Funko Pops and excessive LEDs, I kind of pivoted away from that. You’ll notice that I flip-flop between giving serious critiques of people’s setups and taking the piss. I really don’t know what I want to do here. If I’m going to give actual critiques of other people’s setups, then at the very least I need to come up with some proper criteria.

As it stands right now, my current process for evaluating a setup is “How much shit here do I wish I had?”. Sure, I’m always talking about points, but it’s kind of like the show Who’s Line is it Anyway?, where the points don’t matter. There’s no actual method to my madness, I basically just throw a bunch of shit at the wall and see what sticks. I don’t really know what I’m doing, I’m just good at looking like I do. In fact, that sums up about 95% of the content here at AJnet. You seriously think any of us know wtf we’re doing? Ha. Frosty barely knows what planet he’s on.

But until I figure all that shit out, I’m going to keep doing what I’ve been doing, which is winging it.

We’ve got some alright ones today. We have a 3D printer workshop of some kind, a guy with a skeleton flag, a degenerate, and a special guest appearance by Linus from Linus Tech Tips. Oh, and there’s a Nike ninja. Now let’s get to it and just do it.

1. 3D Printer Workshop

This is where all those cheap anime figures on AliExpress come from.

With how many figures I have, 3D printing is something I’m actually thinking about getting into. But I barely have room for the stuff I already have in my computer room, so I’m probably better off not doing it.

I switched my own lighting to the blue/pink thing a while back and I see why so many people use it. For some reason the two colors complement each other aesthetically. The setup for the 3D printer filament looks nice with that lighting. I can’t think of anything I’d do differently with the lighting here, it’s pretty good. Points awarded.

I really don’t have much else to say about this one. Everything looks neat and organized. Good placement on the fake plants.

I give this one a 6/10. It’s good, but it’s not that good.

2. All my friends are alive, but my sense of aesthetic is dead

I’m noticing more and more setups on 4chan looking like the setups you’d find on Reddit. Back in my day, the 4chan setups were all shitholes full of dragon dildos, underage anime girls, candy wrappers, and empty beer cans. Now most of them look somewhat civilized.

This one looks straight up boring.

The “quirky” flag with the skeleton is like a mask, attempting to put on the facade of having a personality. Unfortunately, the rest of the wall betrays your visual ruse, appearing plain and empty, save for two haphazardly placed pictures. A testament to the bland and boring reality that is your existence. Your friends are most certainly NOT alive, because it’s doubtful you actually have any.

What’s up with that weird monitor placement on the right? You have one side monitor horizontal, and the other one below it vertical. Not only that, but it doesn’t appear you have the vertical monitor set as vertical, since the wallpaper is sideways. What’s the point?

In fact, what’s the point of this setup? 3/10, it sucks but I guess it could be worse.

3. Linus Slob Tips

I actually kind of like Linus Tech Tips.

I mean, I wouldn’t trust any YouTube reviewer, but at least his videos are entertaining. I was also a fan of Anthony’s videos where he’d buy cheap electronics and test them. Unfortunately, Anthony was replaced by someone named Emily, and Emily left the channel. It’s cool though, she’s still apparently reviewing tech.

Anyway, I remember an episode of Pimp My Setup by Swashin on YouTube, where Linus joined him in reviewing setups. With that in mind, I extended an invitation to Linus himself to review this one for me. The following review is 100% authentic and totally written by Linus himself. I promise I’m not lying or anything:

Goddamnit AJ, why are you wasting my fucking time with this bullshit?

This shit is garbage dude, 0/10, clean your desk you goddamn slob. Grab a trash bag. One of the contractor sized ones, I mean. Grab that contractor sized trash bag, and just throw everything the fuck away. Then throw yourself away too, because you’re trash. And when you’re laying there in the trash can, go ahead and wash your mouth out with buckshot. Disgusting piece of shit, fuck you.

~Linus Sebastian

Thanks Linus.

Well LemonadeOnPizza, you heard the man. Get to work.

4. Fucking degenerate

Cool keyboard and mini CRT. Also, nice Moonman figure.

0/10, yiff in hell furfag.

5. Have class, get ass

This room doesn’t have LEDs or collectibles, but it doesn’t need them, because it has class.

Maybe it’s just my eyes playing tricks on me, but it looks like the walls are painted with a mix of light blue and white to give it the appearance of a sky. If so, it looks amazing. Points awarded.

The hardwood floor, the rug, and the satin red blanket come together in simplistic elegance to give this room an air of old-fashioned class. No fancy tech, pretty lights, or overpriced knickknacks. Just pure class, plain and simple.

I picture this man, this scholar, inviting a woman over for a night of passion and lovemaking. She opens the door to find the room lit by candlelight. Kenny G. is playing, and the bed is covered in rose petals. He takes the woman by the hand, and gently lays her down, kissing her-

Wait, the source is 4chan? Never mind, this place probably smells like cheap weed and stale Doritos.

Nah I’m just playing with you, 7/10. This isn’t the room of a man who fucks, it’s the room of a man who seduces and makes love.

6. The Nike Ninja

With all the dumb things I collect, I’m kind of surprised that I never took to collecting sneakers. Sneaker setups always look aesthetic af.

It’s setups like this that conned me into buying those crappy IKEA desks. They always look good, but they’re cheaply made and I find using them to be uncomfortable. Maybe they work better with the expensive Herman Miller chairs that everyone on Reddit seems to love? I’m sorry, but I just can’t justify spending over $1,000 on a computer chair. For the price of a Herman Miller chair, I could buy a massaging recliner with drink holders.

This setup looks nice though. White and black always contrast nicely. I also like that case. Maybe I’ll grab one when it’s time for my next build. The decorative wakazashi is also a nice touch and adds a dash of taste. Points awarded for aesthetic.

This one gets a 7/10. Now, the real question is, who would win in a duel: The Nike Ninja vs the Styrofoam Samurai?

I’ve been slowly rebuilding my image pool for these articles, but I’m not having much luck with 4chan. I’ve been monitoring /bst/ threads on both /g/ and /wg/, but it’s always the same handful of people reposting the same setups over and over. Reddit gives me more than enough material to keep the series alive, but at the rate things are going we might run out of 4chan battlestations to use in the next few months. I’m either going to have to ditch doing 4chan, or find another board where people share their setups.

Anyway, we’ll be back with another Battlestation Review sometime in July.

Our inbox and comments are always open, so feel free to submit your own battlestations and setups to us at [email protected], and maybe we’ll include them in a future article. If your setup was one of the ones featured in an article and you want to give us additional information, correct us, or even give us an update, drop us a line via email or in the comments.

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

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