This month from the AJnet Archives: A removed article about racial stereotypes!
Oh boy, here we go again!
I wasn’t joking when I said that a lot of my old content was centered around being as offensive as possible. A lot of it was just straight-up racism with little to no point behind it.
And today’s article is no exception.
In what I had intended to be a regular series, I came up with “AJ’s Myth Smashers”, a series of articles where I examined controversial things, like racial stereotypes, and… I honestly don’t know what else I would have done with the concept. The whole thing was dumb even from the start.
Needless to say, this didn’t become a regular feature on AngryJerk.net.
It did, however, spawn one article. “AJ’s Myth Smashers: Racial Stereotypes” took a look at some common racial stereotypes and tried to determine if they were fact or bullshit. Stereotypes like “Do black people like fried chicken?” and “Are Asians all smart?”. My expert analysis consisted of anecdotes about people I knew, since, as we all know, anecdotal evidence is still evidence.
And, because being racist wasn’t enough, I also felt the need to take potshots at two ex-girlfriends. Why? Because fuck them, that’s why. I was a petty and vindictive son of a bitch.
I’m not sure when this one was originally published. I suspect that it was probably in early 2007, given the ex-girlfriends that I used and the fact that I didn’t mention Juan when talking about Hispanics.
This is “AJ’s Myth Smashers: Racial Stereotypes “, in all its glory.
I’m trying to start a new feature here on AngryJerk.net similar to Myth Busters, only I want to debunk stuff that you never see on TV. My first Myth Smashers will focus on racial stereotypes. If a stereotype is true, I will use a picture of the Fonz giving it a thumbs up. If a stereotype is bullshit, I will use a picture of my ex-girlfriend, because she was the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever met. Also, the guy next to her in the blue shirt and khaki pants totally isn’t me. Here we go.
Stereotype 1: Black people like chicken
This was the easiest one to investigate, seeing as I work with a couple of black people. Here is a transcript of a thorough in-depth interview I did with one of them regarding chicken:
Me: Hey Sid, do you like chicken?
Sid: Yes.
There you have it. I have just proven that black people like chicken. Also, Colonel Sanders was obviously the owner of a plantation. I think we can all agree that KFC tastes good, once you overlook the fact that the chicken is pumped with steroids. There’s no way some old white fuck made that recipe, so we can assume he stole it from his slaves, who were obviously black. If black people can make good chicken, they definitely eat a lot of it. Therefor, my verdict is:
FACT
Stereotype 2: Hispanics throw loud ass parties and listen to shitty music
It just so happens that next door to me, we have a family of Puerto Ricans on the first floor, and on the second floor, a lone Puerto Rican renting the apartment. My room is on the second floor, right next to the lone guy’s apartment. My room also happens to be in the back of the house, where the alley is. I have never heard these people throw parties. Ever. I sometimes hear the guy upstairs working out and laughing, but the wall between us is pretty much paper-thin, which isn’t his fault. The people downstairs usually listen to some kind of disco shit, which isn’t that bad compared to today’s music. The guy upstairs blasts rock music. While the rock music of his choice isn’t something I’d download (fuck paying for music), it’s not god-awful, and I can tolerate it.
However, there is one stereotype that always holds true for most Hispanics. They have noisy fucking cars. The upstairs guy doesn’t have a car, but the people downstairs have two. One has the most sensitive car alarm on Earth, while the other one has something built into it that allows it to rev itself up constantly. I have to wake up every morning at 6 AM to “VROOOOOOOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOM BEEP BEEP BEEP VROOOOOOOOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOM BEEP BEEP BEEP”. Fucking assholes. I wanted to key their car, but they always hear me calling them “Pencil Dick” from my room, so they’d know it was me.
Anyway, the stereotype about parties and music?
BULLSHIT
Stereotype 3: Asians are smart
At first, I full-heartedly believed this stereotype to be true. Years and years of hard research has supported such a claim. Then, I met Phat_Gun:
This man single-handedly drowned all evidence supporting the stereotype in an ocean of piss. He’s a cool guy and all, but the truth is, he’s fucking dumb. Here is an excerpt of something he once posted on my now-defunct forum from my now-defunct website [REDACTED]:
“C’mon I know bush is bad. I only like him because he attacks muslims and I hate muslim. But He aint messing with chinese, althoguh I’m indonesian my background my blood is still chinese. I am not proud being indonesian cause I’m discriminated in indonesia cause of myr ace. Not all americans all moron, the politic i dun like them. If you leave U.S where r u going??? U.S is the bomb lotta hiphop outlet and shit. Canada sucksass fuck hockey fuck beaver.”
When he first posted this, it literally took me 2 hours and 16 minutes to decode it. Eventually, I became an expert on Phat_Gun-ish.
He also makes songs. I don’t listen to this type of music, so I will refrain from making a judgement on the quality of it. You can be the judge:
© Phat_Gun 2007
I’ve known him for at least 4 years, and judging from the quality of his posts on several different forums, I can safely say that the stereotype about Asians being smart is:
BULLSHIT
Stereotype 4: Irish people are drunks
The neighborhood I live in is predominantly Irish Catholic, although white trash and niggers are starting to move in with their gangs and that “pop a cap in yo azz cuz you looked at me wrong” bullshit. Within a 10 block radius, we have at least 15 bars. Also, I know a lot of Irish people, and they’re fucking drunks. Like this bitch:
She’s like 18 now, and this bitch is getting wasted all the time from what I hear. I also know for a fact that she’s a slut. When I worked with her, she was 17. During our 8 month tenure as coworkers (I got her fired because she was being a bitch), she fucked at least 4 of the different guys that came through the place. I don’t know how many she fucked who didn’t work at my place.
As for Irish people being drunks? I’m Irish-Italian, and I may not be a drunk, but I like to drink. So, I’m going to have to say this stereotype is:
FACT
Stereotype 5: Italians are loudmouths
Don’t get me started on this. My keyboard will break if I write what I think about this stereotype. I don’t have a picture or a font big enough to convey to you how TRUE this stereotype is:
FACT
Well, that’s it until next time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go get drunk and yell phrases from the Rocky movies.
So what did Lauren, the girl in the “Bullshit” picture, do to invoke my wrath? She dumped me back in 2006. I told you that I was a petty and vindictive son of a bitch.
Believe it or not, this article wasn’t pulled because of the racist stuff. This article ended up being pulled at some point in 2009 after Lauren found my site and discovered that her picture was on there. She sent me a message on Myspace demanding I remove it. I was already dealing with some other problems at the time and didn’t need another one, so I simply complied. I have no idea what she’s up to these days, but in the unlikely event that she finds the site I don’t think she’ll really care that I’m using an 18 year old picture of us here, and even if she did there isn’t anything she can do about it.
Mary, the other girl pictured, wasn’t really a girlfriend.
We fooled around a bit, but she was too much even for me. She was really combative when she was drunk, which was most of the time. The only thing she really had going for her was that she had just graduated from the local Catholic high school and could still fit into her uniform during fun time (I was 19, she was 17). Beyond that, she was drunk, miserable, and batshit crazy. Our fling ended after she claimed that I was staring at her best friend’s tits at a house party. Never mind that we weren’t in a relationship, and never mind that Mary herself was apparently giving handies to other guys behind dumpsters. Don’t try to hold me to standards that you’re not going to follow yourself.
With that old drama aside, the rest of the article was just plain silly.
Of course black people like chicken. Who the hell doesn’t like chicken? I eat chicken every single day with rice. It’s one of the most versatile meats (just like my dick), it’s loaded with protein (just like my dick), and it’s low in fat (just like my- oh forget it). Fried chicken is also delicious, though I question my judgment in saying that KFC is good.
That said, if I’m going to a fried chicken joint, I’m going to one owned and operated by the brothas. White people are good at plenty of things, but making soul food isn’t one of them.
That Puerto Rican neighbor and their car. Oh man, I fucking hated that damn car. They had an automatic starter, which they always started at 6 AM every morning. For some reason, the starter would also rev the engine every minute or so, which in turn set off the oversensitive car alarm in the car next to it. They had this car for two years before they finally got a new car with a starter that didn’t rev the engine. Since then, I’ve never seen an automatic starter that revs the engine repeatedly.
Hispanics do throw loud ass parties though, as I learned over time from Juan and his family. The motto of most Mexicans and South Americans in general seems to be “Work hard play harder”. They’ll stay up until three in the morning pounding down Coronas and Modelos, then be up and ready for a full day of work by 6. I don’t know how the hell they do it.
The story of Phat_Gun is a long and crazy one, and honestly warrants its own article. The gist of it, though, is that he started out as a troll and became a friend.
But he was dumb as a bag of bricks.
Phat_Gun was a young Chinese guy from Indonesia who lived in Canada. He spoke English, but his typing was absolutely terrible. This was before autocorrect had really taken off, so people had to do at least some basic proofreading before sending emails and making forum posts. But not Phat_Gun, he’d just bang the keyboard and maybe post something that was kind of vaguely legible. The post of his that I included was 100% real and unedited, taken from a discussion we were having about George W. Bush.
Phat_Gun was like William Hung if William Hung was into gangsta rap. He even sounded kind of like William Hung. Listening to an Asian guy try to talk like a black guy from the hood is every bit as funny as it sounds. Also, he really hated Muslims for some reason. He was still cool though, so I’d bullshit with him on MSN Messenger all the time. Phat_Gun, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re doing well. Hit me up playa, let’s shoot the shit.
I guess the moral of this one is that racial stereotypes can be funny, but for the most part they’re just:
BULLSHIT
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