We’re back with another edition of Battlestation Breakdown!
This time, we’ve got:
- A setup that’s overstayed its welcome
- Old technology
- One hell of a cross-breeze
- The mighty jungle
- A pirate
- Iron Man
- Morrowind
- More Miku
Let’s dive right in, shall we?
1. Let’s get this thing out of here already
This one has been sitting in my image pool since I started reviewing battlestations in 2024. It was numbered “004,” so it was the fourth battlestation I grabbed.
It’s been sitting in my folder for over two years. I’m tired of looking at it, so we’re including it in this article. For better or for worse.
I’m not sure why I even bothered to download it. It’s so boring and basic. In fact, it’s so boring and basic that I’m not even going to waste my time reviewing it.
Instead, I fed the image to ChatGPT and told it to write the review for me:
This is a well-balanced setup that combines productivity, creativity, and a comfortable atmosphere. The large monitor paired with the laptop provides a practical dual-screen workspace, while the Akai controller and keyboard suggest the desk is also used for music production or other creative work.
One of the strongest parts of the setup is the overall aesthetic. The plants, warm desk lamp, and vintage bird artwork make the space feel inviting and personal. The neutral wall and white desk also help keep the area from feeling too busy despite the number of items on display.
There are a few areas that could be improved. Some of the cables around the laptop and underneath the desk are visible, so additional cable management could make the setup look cleaner. The laptop and extra keyboard also occupy a significant amount of desk space, which may make the center of the workstation feel somewhat crowded. A laptop stand or different keyboard arrangement could improve both ergonomics and usable space.
Overall, this is an attractive and functional battlestation with a distinctive style. It feels practical rather than overly staged, while still having enough personality to stand out.
Score: 8.4/10
Thanks ChatGPT. I guess.
2. Who wants to play Munch Man?
Woah, is that a TI-99/4A on the shelf? That… is actually kinda cool. Points awarded.
In fact, I see all kinds of old tech on those shelves, some of which I recognize and some I don’t. I want to collect more old tech, but I’ve run out of room.
Maybe I should stop buying so many damn Miku figurines, then I’d have room to grow my retro tech collection beyond a few old consoles.
I really want to get my hands on a Tandy 1000. I had one when I was a kid, and I loved spending hours on that thing playing Colossal Cave Adventure and messing with Eliza the chatbot. But as it stands, Hatsune Miku is taking up a lot of real estate in my computer room. If she’s gonna hide in my Wi-Fi then the least she can do is kick me a little money for rent and stop filling my room up with so many figures of herself.
Anyway, the rest of this setup is cool. A little messy, but still cool. I like the desk (I’ll spare you another rant about my shitty Ikea desks), the colors and lighting provide ambience, and the carpet brings it all together rather nicely.
This gets a 6/10.
3. Imagine the cross-breeze
I’ve gotta wonder what the hell the outside of this house looks like.
This room is obviously quite small. Judging from the desk, the monitor (which I’m assuming to be around 32-38 inches), and the size of the figures on the shelves, I’d estimate that this room is about 4 feet wide, give or take. Which makes it perfect for a cozy little gaming battlestation.
But in that small room, there’s two windows directly across from each other, both with sunlight coming through.
Maybe it’s because I was born and raised in a city row home, but I just can’t fathom what this looks like from the outside. Does this house have a random four foot section jutting out from the side?
It just doesn’t make sense to me to have two windows so close to each other in such a small room. Maybe he lives in a fancy trailer? I have no idea. If anyone knows what’s going on here please let me know in the comments. Maybe I’m just an idiot.
The setup itself is pretty cozy, though unremarkable. As I’ve said before, Star Wars is the most overdone thing on Reddit. Points awarded though for good utilization of a small space. Those windows also probably provide one hell of a cross-breeze.
It’s not the most glorious battlestation, but it’s aight. 5/10.
4. Mowgli finds Reddit
In the past, I’ve said that I like battlestations with a little bit of fake foliage.
Some people decorate their desks with fake potted plants, or put plastic ivy up on the walls. One person even put AstroTurf on his wall.
This person took it to the next level and turned his battlestation into the Rainforest Cafe by putting an entire fake jungle on his wall.
They even went the extra mile and used blue lighting to emulate the appearance of moonlight hitting the water and reflecting onto the plants.
This is just excessive and ridiculous. Do you also play audio of rain falling and other nature sounds? Do you have a little strobe light that flashes like lightning too, you fucking nerd?
When I see all these fake plants, all I can think of is how dusty they probably are. I tried the fake ivy years ago, and they were basically just wiry green dust magnets. I can’t imagine how much dust must be accumulated on this person’s wall.
2/10, I’m sneezing just looking at this bullshit.
5. Scallywag
Now here’s a real battlestation.
No crazy plants or fancy IKEA bullshit to be found in this battlestation. This is a setup built for practicality.
In this case, the practicality of piracy.
This is a man who has definitely downloaded terabytes of torrents in his time. He hasn’t spent a single dime on movies, TV shows, anime, music, or porn since 2005. This isn’t just some scallywag stuck up in the crow’s nest. This is a Pirate Captain- no, a Pirate KING.
When he needs a break from sailing the high seas, he puts on the VR headset, puts on some (pirated) VR porn, and hoists his mizzenmast to videos of Carolyn Pierce getting her poopdeck swabbed.
9/10, this is a battlestation that the MPAA, the RIAA, the FBI, and the Royal Navy can’t touch.
6. Sick custom build, bro
Star Wars might be the most overdone thing on Reddit, but the MCU is the second most overdone thing on Reddit.
With that said, I just can’t hate on this setup.
That Iron Man case is a custom build.
Normally I’d call this a bunch of fake-nerd rice bullshit, talk some shit about petty little flaws in the setup, then give it a low score.
But I can’t bring myself to do that.
This case is fucking sick, and the fact that you built it from scratch (in a cave, with a box of scraps) is amazing. I wish I could make something this impressive.
The setup as a whole gets a 6/10 (throw some posters up on those walls or something), but that case gets an 11/10.
7. I should get around to playing Morrowind and Oblivion
My very first intro to the Elder Scrolls universe was Skyrim. To this day it remains one of my favorite games of all time. I can always come back to it no matter how long it’s been.
I tried playing Elder Scrolls Online, but I couldn’t get into it like I did Skyrim.
I also bought the Oblivion remake, and that seemed like it would be pretty fun, up until the game crashed whenever I tried to leave the sewers. I refunded the game and haven’t retried it since.
Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be reviewing battlestations here.
This one’s very basic, and there’s nothing that really stands out to me. I’m not even sure why I included it.
It’s not filthy though, so 5/10 I guess.
8. I’m genuinely worried for my soul, please help me. I’m being 100% serious, this isn’t just a joke.
Normally this is where I’d make a remark about how there’s no way this setup could belong to a biological woman, say “you will never be a winner,” then give the setup a high score.
But looking at this picture has made me see something in myself. Something that worries me.
Instead of looking at this picture, seeing a collection of Miku figures on a pink desk, and making a joke about this person probably being trans, my first reaction was to figure out how many of those Miku figures I had myself.
I have two of them.
Rather than take solace in the fact that I don’t have all the Miku figures in this picture, I instead wondered if I could acquire the ones I didn’t have from AliExpress. I reminded myself that I don’t have room for anymore Miku figures, but I also reminded myself that this has never stopped me before.
I’ve resisted the urge for now. But I know I won’t be able to suppress it indefinitely. I must buy more Miku figures. I am compelled to consume cheap plastic collectables of a fictional pop idol.
I’m scared. For my mind, for my spirit, and for my soul.
I have a problem, and I need help.
7/10, 6/10, whatever. Make up your own rating for this one. I need to go reflect on the man I’ve become.
That’s all for this time. We’ll be back with more battlestations in a few months.
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