BLOODMOON APOCALYPSE: OGRE VS DARK LORD

One man made magic fear him. Tonight, magic learns why. Yujiro Hanma vs Lord Voldemort.

The feed flickers on like someone kicked a satellite back to life. A single overhead drone shot hovers above a windswept moor in the Scottish Highlands, moon bleeding red across broken stone.

There’s no arena, no crowd, no pyro, just two folding chairs, a monitor, and two very confused announcers wearing headsets.

Jim Ross stares at the screen, mouth half-open.

“…Folks, I… I was in my kitchen ten seconds ago. I had a rib sandwich in my hand. Now I’m here, and I don’t know where ‘here’ is, but I’m callin’ the action because that’s what I do. King, you with me?”

Jerry Lawler’s voice cracks.

“JR, I was in my pajamas watching Golden Girls re-runs. Next thing I know, poof, I’m freezing my puppies off on a rock in Scotland! But look at that monitor! That’s… that’s the bald Harry Potter villain, right? And across from him is the single scariest human I’ve ever seen in my life!”

The camera finally settles. Lord Voldemort stands atop a jagged boulder, wand glowing sickly green, robes snapping in a wind that isn’t blowing anywhere else. Twenty yards away stands Yujiro Hanma, shirtless, grinning like he just smelled blood in the water.

JR’s voice drops to that low, dangerous register he saves for only the wildest main events.

“Ladies and gentlemen, wherever you are, whatever just happened, this is real. No script. No ref. The Ogre versus the Dark Lord, and may God have mercy on all of us.”

Lawler whimpers. “I think the mercy ship already sailed, JR.”

Voldemort raises the wand.

“Avada Kedavra!”

A jet of green death screams across the moor. JR shouts so loud the headset distorts.

“KILLING CURSE! HE JUST FIRED THE KILLING CURSE!”

Yujiro is simply… gone.

The curse detonates a boulder into powder. Dust hasn’t even settled before the Ogre is already inside Voldemort’s reach, fist the size of a cinder block cocked back.

Lawler shrieks, “He moved faster than the spell, JR! That’s not possible!”

Voldemort Apparates with a crack like a gunshot, reappearing thirty feet away, already slashing the wand again. “Crucio!” Crimson lightning wraps Yujiro’s torso.

JR leans forward, eyes wide. “That’s the torture curse! That’ll make a man beg for death!”

Yujiro looks down at the magic dancing across his skin, tilts his head… and starts chuckling. The laugh builds into something primal that rattles the drone camera.

Lawler’s voice climbs an octave. “He’s laughing at the Cruciatus Curse! He’s laughing, JR! I’m gonna need therapy after this!”

Yujiro flexes once. Every strand of red lightning shatters like glass. JR slams the table.

“He just flexed the Unforgivable Curse into confetti! Good Gawd Almighty!”

Voldemort snarls and slashes again—Sectumsempra. Invisible blades tear the night. Blood erupts from Yujiro’s chest in half a dozen places.

Lawler screams, “He’s cut wide open! That’s supposed to be permanent!”

JR is already shaking his head. “Wait… wait… look at the wounds—they’re closing! Right in front of our eyes! This man is healing faster than the magic can cut!”

Yujiro takes one deliberate step forward. The ground buckles and splits for fifty yards in every direction.

JR’s voice booms like thunder. “That was an earthquake with a foot! He just stomped the Scottish Highlands into submission!”

The shockwave catches Voldemort mid-cast, hurling him through the air like a scarecrow in a hurricane. Before he can Apparate again, Yujiro launches—twenty feet straight up—catches the Dark Lord by the face with one hand.

Lawler is openly praying. “He caught him in mid-air! He caught teleportation with his bare hand like it’s a pop fly!”

The slam is apocalyptic. The impact carves a crater the size of a house. Dust and stone rain for ten full seconds.

JR is hoarse. “He just planted Voldemort into the Earth like a lawn dart! There’s nothing left but a hole and bad decisions!”

Somehow, Voldemort still moves. Broken, bleeding black smoke, he unleashes everything—pure soul-eating darkness explodes upward in a column that blacks out the moon.

Lawler whispers, “That’s it. That’s the stuff that ended wars. We’re done.”

Yujiro stands in the middle of the abyss, unmoving. Then he inhales, chest swelling like a dragon’s, and flexes every muscle at once. The entire column of dark magic explodes outward into harmless sparks.

JR’s call is almost reverent. “He flexed it away. He flexed dark magic to death. I will take this image to my grave.”

Yujiro reaches down, grabs Voldemort by the throat, and lifts what’s left of the Dark Lord until their eyes meet.

Lawler is babbling. “Finish him! Sweet mercy, finish him!”

Two fingers press gently to Voldemort’s forehead. A single pulse of raw, impossible power ripples out.

JR’s voice drops to a hush. “That… that was the last Horcrux. He just erased immortality with a finger poke.”

The body collapses into ash before it hits the ground. Silence. Nothing but wind across the broken moor.

Lawler finally exhales. “I… I got nothing, JR. No jokes. That wasn’t a fight. That was the top of the food chain reminding the world it exists.”

JR stares at the empty crater as Yujiro Hanma turns and walks into the darkness, moonlight sliding off muscle like water.

“The Ogre leaves Scotland tonight the way he entered it: undefeated, unchallenged, and unquestionably the strongest creature on God’s green earth. Voldemort brought every dark art known to man… and learned some things don’t need wands.”

Lawler mutters, “I still don’t know how we got here… but I know I never want to come back.” JR signs off, voice raw.

“From a place that shouldn’t exist… good night. And lock your doors.”

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

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