Why Does Gboard Change the Suggested Word Right Before You Tap It?

I’ve ranted about Google Pixel phones and swipe-to-type keyboards a few times on here already, even as far back as 2017.

I’m not done.

I’ll probably never be done, because Google is apparently never going to be done sucking at making phones and phone keyboards (much like Spotify is never done at sucking). Every time I think I’ve exhausted everything there is to complain about, my Pixel 8 finds some new and creative way to piss me off. This time, it’s Gboard’s suggestion strip deciding that the words it just showed me apparently weren’t good enough and swapping them out right as I’m about to tap one.

For those who don’t use Gboard, there’s a little row of word suggestions above the keyboard. As you type, Gboard predicts what word you might be trying to type or what word you might want to use next. I actually like this feature and use it all the time, especially when I’m typing longer messages on my phone. The problem is that lately Gboard has developed this incredibly annoying habit where it gives me three suggestions, I see the word I want, I move my finger to tap it, and the entire row suddenly changes.

The first set of words is usually better.

That’s the part that really pisses me off. Gboard will correctly predict what I want, put the word right in front of me, then say “LOL SIKE” and replace it half a second later with three worse suggestions. Sometimes I catch it before tapping. Other times the words change just as my finger hits the screen and I end up selecting something I never wanted in the first place.

Why?

You already got it right, you stupid piece of shit. Stop thinking.

I don’t want to disable next-word suggestions either, which is what a lot of the troubleshooting advice recommends. The suggestions themselves are useful. I just want Gboard to stop playing musical chairs with them while I’m trying to make a selection. Telling me to turn the feature off completely is like telling someone whose car radio keeps changing stations on its own to solve the problem by ripping the radio out of the dashboard.

I’ve tried the usual troubleshooting crap. I cleared Gboard’s cache. I cleared all of its saved data and let it relearn how I type. I messed around with settings. I even factory reset the entire damn phone, which seemed to improve things for a day or two before it went right back to sucking.

Swipe typing has been another ongoing problem.

I used to like swipe typing because it was quick and usually accurate enough that I could knock out a text without having to peck at every individual letter. On my Pixel, it feels like the keyboard is guessing half the time. I’ll swipe a perfectly normal word and get something completely unrelated, or it’ll actually show the correct word for a moment before inexplicably changing it to something worse.

Again, Google, if you already got the word right, leave it the fuck alone.

Even normal typing feels off sometimes. I’ll tap the letters individually and still find myself going back to correct words constantly. I tried removing my screen protector because I wondered if maybe that was interfering with touch sensitivity, and it helped a little, but not enough to make a meaningful difference. Then I started noticing wear on the part of the physical screen where the keyboard sits, so leaving the screen protector off wasn’t exactly a great solution either.

I also tried SwiftKey, figuring maybe Gboard itself was the problem.

Nope.

The experience was similar enough that I’ve started wondering if the Pixel’s touchscreen or some other part of Android’s input handling is contributing to the problem. I don’t know, and I shouldn’t have to know. I bought a smartphone, not an electronics engineering project. A phone that costs hundreds of dollars should be capable of reliably determining which fucking letters I’m touching.

Typing is one of the most basic functions of a smartphone. We’re not talking about some obscure feature buried inside the developer settings. People type texts, emails, search queries, social media posts, notes, addresses, and about a thousand other things every day. If the keyboard sucks, the entire phone sucks because you’re constantly interacting with the damn thing.

Of course, if you complain about any of this online, Google’s Public Fellations Team will inevitably show up to tell you how wrong you are.

“Works fine on my device.”

“My Pixel has been flawless.”

“Gboard is the best keyboard I’ve ever used.”

Good for fucking you, assholes.

It DOESN’T work fine on my device.

I’m glad your Pixel apparently descended from Heaven on a beam of light and has never missed a keystroke in its life. Mine is a piece of shit. Gboard is a piece of shit. Telling me that yours works perfectly doesn’t magically make mine start working properly, and I don’t understand why people get so defensive when somebody criticizes a piece of consumer electronics they happen to own.

You bought a phone. You didn’t join a religion. And they say Apple users are bad.

This happens with every tech product now. Somebody says they’re having a problem and immediately a bunch of fanboys crawl out of the woodwork to explain that because they personally haven’t experienced the problem, it must not exist. Maybe I got a bad unit. Maybe some combination of hardware and software is screwing things up. Maybe Google changed something in Gboard that only affects certain people. I don’t know, but I can physically watch the fucking suggestion strip change while I’m reaching toward it.

I tried to screen record a video of this, but strangely enough the moment I hit record the keyboard suddenly decided it knew how to do its fucking job. It took me a couple of attempts, but I managed to capture the glitch:

I’m not hallucinating a keyboard bug because I secretly hate Google. It’s already well-known that I hate Google.

The worst part is that I generally like Android. I don’t want to switch ecosystems, and I definitely don’t want to spend years rebuying apps and relearning how to do basic shit because Apple decided their way of doing something is the only acceptable way. That’s why I kept trying to make the Pixel work and why I’ve put up with this nonsense for as long as I have.

My next phone is going to be a Samsung.

I’ve already had enough of Google’s shitty hardware. Maybe Samsung’s keyboard will suck too, but at least I’ll be able to determine whether this really is some Pixel-specific problem. I know Samsung has its own quirks and piles a bunch of its own software on top of Android, but at this point I’m willing to deal with some bloatware if the damn touchscreen can accurately tell what I’m trying to type.

If Samsung sucks too, I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but I might actually buy a fucking iPhone.

That’s how bad this has gotten.

I’ve spent most of my smartphone-owning life avoiding Apple, and the idea of willingly entering the walled garden still annoys me. But I’m reaching the point where I don’t care about customization, sideloading, launchers, or whatever other advantages Android has if I have to fight with the keyboard every time I send a text message. At some point the basic functions have to work.

All I want is a phone where I touch a letter and the phone registers that letter, swipe a word and the keyboard gets reasonably close to that word, and when the suggestion strip shows me the word I want, it stays there long enough for me to fucking tap it.

Apparently that’s asking too much from Google.

So yes, I’m ranting about my Pixel and Gboard again. I’ve done it before and I’ll probably do it again, because every time I think I’m finally done complaining about this phone, Google gives me something new to write about.

Maybe Samsung will finally shut me up.

If not, God help me, I guess I’ll see you at the Apple Store.

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

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