Cracker Barrel still sucks, no matter what their logo looks like.
Recently, the restaurant chain Cracker Barrel changed their logo from this:
…to this:
People are now up in arms about the change, complaining that it’s ugly and “woke”. Americans are so passionate about this chain of restaurants changing its logo that their stock value has tumbled, and the company has taken to issuing an apology over the change.
This whole thing is fucking retarded.
I won’t argue that the new logo isn’t ugly, because it is. I can’t stand this flat minimalistic bullshit that’s taken over design. It’s completely soulless and bland, which I guess fits perfectly for most companies these days. Minimalism is just an excuse for untalented idiots to churn out low effort garbage because they lack any sense of creativity. The new Cracker Barrel logo is boring and bland, but it’s not any more boring and bland than other minimalist logos.
With that said, I’m still trying to figure out what exactly is “woke” about it. I thought “woke” meant forced diversity and rich white people getting offended on behalf of minorities. Since when did it also mean minimalist and soulless? Are we supposed to be calling it woke because they removed the vaguely-white guy? I really can’t figure out what’s “woke” about this empty and generic new logo. The criteria for wokeness seems to have really loosened over the last year. By all appearances, “woke” now means “anything the right doesn’t like”.
The logo doesn’t even matter, Cracker Barrel still sucks anyway. I’ve been actively boycotting them since 2009, because whenever I’ve gone there I’ve left disappointed every damn time.
The first time, I was a teenager on a date. We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner before going to the movies to see Hulk. I don’t even remember what we ordered, but I remember the girl getting sick and spending half the movie in the toilet. Meanwhile I toughed it out in the theater ripping so much ass that the Hulk himself turned to the camera and asked what the fuck that smell was. I found out later that this wasn’t even part of the movie, when my parents rented the DVD from Blockbuster and I asked where the scene was and they asked me if I was doing drugs. I mean, I was, but still. Instead of making out in the back row while fingerblasting some slut and getting a handy I had to actually watch the movie. This was 2003, so it wasn’t even the good Hulk movie with Ed Norton, it was that Ang Lee piece of shit. There was no second date. Thanks a lot Cockblock Barrel.
The second time I went with my parents. I got a bacon cheeseburger. I spent the rest of the night shitting my brains out instead of playing WWE Smackdown on PS2 like I had planned.
The third time, I was living in the mountains with a woman and we went there for dinner. The meatloaf was trash, the mashed potatoes were watery, and they were out of broccoli. How the fuck is a restaurant out of broccoli? They only had string beans, which were nasty and drowned in butter. My night consisted of, you guessed it, shitting my brains out.
I even tried to be the change I wanted to see by applying for a job there. They wouldn’t hire me despite my years of food service experience, probably because they knew I’d run circles around their shitty staff. That and I didn’t have a driver’s license. Fuck you Marty the manager of the Cracker Barrel in Wilkes-Barre. Your restaurant sucks and so do you.
Their food is mediocre at best (when it’s not making people sick, anyway), the only other thing they kind of have going for them is the weak ass “general store” that they have. And even then, everything there is overpriced. Even in 2003 I remember thinking “Damn, why is this candy so fucking expensive?” A bag of Shocktart Minis was like $3, and Warheads were $4. They had COVID prices almost 20 years before COVID was even a thing.
There’s plenty of reasons to boycott Cracker Barrel, but the logo change definitely isn’t one of them.
Y’all will boycott Cracker Barrel over a fucking logo but you won’t do shit about all these other companies cutting back portions and jacking up prices. Go boycott places like Chipotle and McDonald’s, ever since COVID they’ve been ripping customers off like crazy while raking in record profits. Companies like Disney and Netflix are churning out actual woke bullshit while jacking up prices yearly, and your priority is a mediocre restaurant chain changing its logo? Way to have your priorities in order, dipshits.
If you want to take a stand against soulless minimalism in corporate America then that’s cool, but there’s no reason to make it about politics. There’s nothing woke about Cracker Barrel’s shitty new logo, and this whole “controversy” is stupid.
To sum this all up:
Update: It appears they changed the logo back. This changes nothing, Cracker Barrel still sucks.
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