REDDIT REVUE: r/Thanksgiving

This month’s Reddit Revue: r/Thanksgiving!

Gobble gobble, you dirty fucking pilgrims. Welcome to yet another fine and fabulous Reddit Revue!

Last month I said we’d be doing r/Trump this month. However, it’s November, and Thanksgiving is two weeks away (or tomorrow, since this will be scheduled to publish on the last Wednesday of the month). In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve decided to be an Indian giver and rescind on my promise in favor of doing another subreddit.

The truth is, I’m straight-up Trumped out right now. I’m just tired of hearing about the guy every five seconds. Every time I go on the internet or turn on the news it’s Trump this and Trump that. I have Trump fatigue, I need a fucking break from the guy.

We’ll probably put r/Trump off until January, but in the meantime this month we’ll be paying a visit to r/Thanksgiving.

I’m honestly not sure what goes on at r/Thanksgiving the other 11 months of the year, but since it’s November the subreddit appears to be active, with discussions of culinary technique, tradition, family members, and other Thanksgiving-related stuff.

All right, enough stuffing, let’s talk turkey.

(That was for you, Pyri. Can’t believe it’s been five years, still miss you every day bud.)

No stuffing? No cranberry sauce? “Sausage dressing”? What kind of fucked up Thanksgiving dinner is this?

Forget feeding 30 people, you could barely feed me with that small ass spread.

Bro literally has the simplest part of Thanksgiving dinner next to canned cranberry sauce and still about to fuck it up lmao

Even Señor Juan’s family has turkey on Thanksgiving. Fucking gringos.

Imagine having so much free time on your hands that you have the luxury of prepping Thanksgiving dinner several days in advance.

If your son despises turkey, you have failed as a parent.

If you’re having Asian food for Thanksgiving, you have failed as an American and a human being.

Get the fuck out of my country.

You can fuck right off too, roundeye.

By being a civil adult and politely keeping your head down while the rest of your family says their prayer.

Atheists get so bent out of shape over something that they don’t believe exists.

Thanksgiving at Uncle R@ygold’s house.

His picky autistic ass can eat the damn turkey or starve in the fucking corner.

Looks like it went terrible, considering somebody obviously forgot the turkey.

Turkey, for American culture.

Wait until you find out that most turkeys sold at stores are frozen during shipping.

Cool story bro

I too enjoy Hannah and Her Sisters. Usually when my girlfriend isn’t home.

I also enjoy the sequel, Pamela and Her Sisters.

There’s no way “spatchcocking” is a real thing. This is just someone making a joke about fucking the turkey.

Yeah, definitely a joke about having sex with the turkey.

Oh come the fuck on

That’s it, I’m getting to the bottom of this. There’s absolutely no way spatchcocking is a real word, right?

Well spatchcock me sideways.

If I go to someone’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and they try to serve me boiled turkey I’m burning their house down.

I’m writing this on the 13th. This was posted nine days ago, on the 4th. Thanksgiving is on the 27th. You set your table 23 days early.

“Stupid” is right.

Fried chicken main course, collard greens for a side dish, watermelon for dessert.

Also, wear a bulletproof vest and hide your wallet in your socks.

(Yes, that was racist. No, I’m not sorry.)

Yo let me borrow your time machine.

Stfu faggot

(It took a surprisingly long time to find a white guilt post)

Woah, when did Reddit become based?

This is actually useful, and I’m going to unironically share it.

This looks like Goatse.

RIP Pierre Robert.

Too much work.

Here’s my no-stress gravy recipe:

Step 1: Buy the shit in the jar.

Step 2: Pour the jar into a pan and heat it up.

When the LSD kicks in.

Grab a couple bottles of Boone’s Farm and call it a day.

Hello, ICE?

Yes, this post right here.

Thanksgivings hosted at AJ’s house typically include paper plates, red Solo cups, plastic utensils, and Boone’s Farm.

I have not been asked to host Thanksgiving in over 15 years.

Well, that does it for this one.

This Thanksgiving, like the last ten Thanksgivings before it, I’ll be going to my girlfriend’s sister’s house, where at 39 I’ll be the second-youngest person there. The only other person younger than me is my girlfriend’s 12 year old nephew. I think he’s 12? I’ll be honest here folks, I don’t actually remember how old the kid is. Don’t tell my girlfriend.

It gets even better. I stopped drinking about eight months ago, so I’ll have to deal with it sober. But hey, with all the running I’ve been doing lately I’ll be able to stuff my face and not get fat, so I guess there’s that.

Anyway, while I’m dealing with that, I hope you all have a good holiday. Next month’s Reddit Revue will probably be something Christmas-related. Maybe I’ll do something similar to the Battlestation Reviews, but with Christmas decorations.

See you jive turkeys next month.

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

See author's posts