REDDIT REVUE: r/Witchcraft (2026)

It’s almost Halloween. You know what that means…

That’s right, it’s time for our yearly visit to r/Witchcraft!

I first wandered into this place back in 2023 looking for something Halloween-themed to make fun of, went back in 2024, then did it again last year because by that point it had become a tradition. So here we are for year four, ready to see what spells, hexes, magic rocks, angry spirits, and other assorted bullshit Reddit’s witches have been playing around with lately.

I actually almost forgot about it this year.

It’s only the beginning of October as I’m writing this, but I was putting together the schedule for the month when I realized I hadn’t left room for our annual trip to r/Witchcraft. I can’t just skip it now. We’ve done this shit three Halloweens in a row, which means I’m now committed to coming back here every October until AJnet Magazine shuts down or the witches finally put a successful curse on me.

So, sorry Sam. Your very first AJnet article has officially been bumped to November in the name of preserving a stupid Halloween tradition. I’m sure you’ll understand.

Let’s see what the witches have been up to.

Saying “smartest witchcraft purchase” is like saying “funniest Madea movie.”

Holy sweet flying fuck, the Temple of Ced is doing an AMA?!

I have no idea who that is, but now I know what it would look like if someone crossed Alice Cooper with Hulk Hogan. So I guess there’s that.

Only $3?

Man, this economy’s affecting everybody.

You want to feel energy? Try a matcha latte from Wawa.

Or buy some crack from my boy Nafese.

If these are the kind of retards taking care of our elderly, I think I’ll be killing myself before I hit 70.

Since finding Jesus, Harry Potter has taken it upon himself to go to the Leaky Cauldron every night and admonish the vice of drinking.

At least, I think that’s what this comic is about.

In completely unrelated news, the healthcare industry has seen an increase in cases of mental illness and obesity.

Y’all thought I was joking about the obesity.

Why are witches always so fat?

I was going to give you all a peek into my notebook, but legal has advised me against that for some reason…

This looks like the kind of gift a special needs kid would give his mother on Mother’s Day.

Which would explain a lot.

When I was 13, I had a friend named Steve.

His family was total white trash. His mom chain-smoked incessantly and walked around in her bra and a pair of jeans all day, only leaving to go buy more smokes and lotto tickets. They had a dog who would piss and shit all over the carpet, so the entire house reeked of piss, shit, and smoke. The first time I met Steve’s sister, who was my age, she bragged to me that she shaved her pussy as a courtesy to guys who wanted to go down on her.

As trashy as they were though, at least they never had this gaudy money bowl shit in their house.

Thanks for staying classy, Steve’s family.

Thanks for shaving your pussy, Julie.

Making vegetable soup is magic now?

This is just an obvious promotion for the upcoming Avengers: Doomsday movie.

Yes Victor, science and magic can coexist. Now go build Battleworld or whatever storyline the new Avengers movie is adapting.

“Hildy Grimm” my ass, that’s just a gothic Misae Nohara from Crayon Shin-Chan:

Frat party? Be careful, or the next thing you know seven spirits will be running a train on you, then bragging about it in their ghostly group chat.

Someone on r/Witchcraft is collecting disability checks. Imagine my fucking surprise.

With an owner like you?

Either a jailbreak, or suicide.

Your Vinny sucks.

Here’s a picture of my Vinny:

Vinnie Paz would shit all over your stupid cat. And your favorite rappers too.

New MGK album cover just dropped.

Hey Sam, if Stephanie suddenly starts calling you “Douche” and just being an overall bitch to you, I promise I had nothing to do with it.

The entire fucking thing.

No, because, SPOILER ALERT, magic isn’t real.

Redditor invokes protection from our Ogrelord.

SHREK IS LOVE

SHREK IS LIFE

Kill the fucking bugs, you pussy.

Hey, I totally remember that witchcraft site from the early 2000’s! It was called Goatse.

It’s since been placed by some crypto scam bullshit, but you can view an archived copy of it on the Internet Archive.

Well, that’s another year of r/Witchcraft in the books. It’s been four years and somehow these people are still finding new ways to make bowls full of loose change, cinnamon, rice, candles, and random shit look like mystical artifacts instead of something you’d find on a shelf at your local Goodwill. At least we learned that witchcraft can apparently help you get rich, communicate with Shrek, and turn a $200 bank account into $5,000 (assuming, of course, that your disability back pay arrives at exactly the right time). Unfortunately, it still can’t make witches lose weight.

I also learned that r/Witchcraft has somehow grown to more than 700,000 members, which means there are enough witches on Reddit to populate a decent-sized American city. That’s mildly concerning, but so far their combined magical abilities appear to consist mostly of lighting candles, drawing symbols, making soup, and blaming coincidences on supernatural forces. I think civilization is safe for another year.

So that wraps up our fourth annual Halloween trip to r/Witchcraft. Barring AJnet Magazine shutting down, me finally forgetting about this tradition, or one of these people actually figuring out how to put a working curse on me, I guess I’ll see you freaks again next October.

Oh, and Cave, I didn’t forget you. r/GirlDinnerDiaries is coming in December.

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

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