Stop lying about being natty.

What’s up with all these juicers claiming to be natty?

I don’t really follow influencers. Most of them are trash, and all they want to do is shill you products. I have YouTubers whose videos I always watch, like Nostalgia Critic, ODAWG, CJ Dachamp, Alex Bale, or David Lopez, but I wouldn’t really call them influencers. They’re more like content creators, since, while they do have ads in their videos, their primary focus is entertaining the viewer (and Doug Walker actually makes his ads entertaining).

Unfortunately, between YouTube’s bullshit algorithms and being on sites like 4chan, I’m still exposed to these social parasites. In particular, fitness influencers.

Before I get into this, I feel like I need to make my stance on steroid usage clear. I have nothing against people choosing to use them for bodybuilding.

I don’t understand why it’s perfectly legal for someone to go to the doctor and get prescribed hormones because they want to switch genders, but I’m not allowed to go to the doctor and get prescribed hormones because I want to get ripped. Anabolic steroids are only dangerous when they’re abused, just like any other drug. The stigma against steroids needs to end. I probably still wouldn’t choose to use them, since I’d like to see what I’m capable of without them, but I’m not going to pretend they’re evil and that the people who use them are cheaters. Most roiders still put in the work, that’s why they look ridiculously big.

With that said, fuck all these celebrity jerk offs who claim they don’t take steroids when it’s very obvious they do.

The silliest example I can think of is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson”. I love The Rock (no homo), I’ve always loved him since his debut in the WWE, and his acting career has been enjoyable. But he claims that he hasn’t used steroids since college, and that’s just complete and utter bullshit. You don’t look like this in your 50’s without juicing:

The Rock claims that his physique is the result of hard work, diet, and discipline. Give me a fucking break, dude. Sure, I won’t deny that he probably puts in the work like he says he does, but most people aren’t getting results like that natty, no matter how genetically gifted they are. Especially not at The Rock’s age. I guess honesty doesn’t sell energy drinks and supplements though.

Another celebrity that’s always being pushed as natty when he’s obviously not is Mark Wahlberg. Everyone lines up to fellate this Boston-Irish clown as another pinnacle of “hard work and discipline”. Just like The Rock, I don’t doubt that Marky Mark puts in the work in the gym and has a controlled diet (it’s amazing what you can do when you have the time and resources to hire a top tier trainer), but at his age he’s still not looking like he does without taking steroids.

If there’s one thing I’ll applaud the current younger generation for, it’s their devotion to fitness. The gyms are packed with zoomers and Gen Alphas sporting their stupid broccoli haircuts or wearing pants so tight that you can literally see their coochies. Sure, most of them are doing stupid and pointless meme exercises, but the fact of the matter is they’re trying, and seeing as America has been having an obesity epidemic for the last few decades, you have to give these kids at least some credit for trying to fix it.

Unfortunately, the side effect of this is the creation of more social parasite influencers preying on these teenagers, and the public in general. There’s money to be made, and social media predators have come out of the woodwork to sell these kids false hope in the form of energy drinks, supplements, diet plans, and tons of other bogus shit. You too can look like The Rock or Mark Wahlberg if you work out twice a day every day and buy these supplements with their names on it.

What people like The Rock and Mark Wahlberg don’t tell you is that their lifestyles are unsustainable and even unhealthy unless you take steroids and have a shit ton of money.

Most people shouldn’t really weight train more than five days a week, maybe six if you’re younger. Your body builds muscle during recovery, which you’re not going to get much of if you’re training twice a day. Steroids increase this threshold and allow for quicker recovery, which is why people like Mark Wahlberg can work out twice daily and make progress.

The younger generations see these influencers and think that they can look like them by copying them and buying their products while still staying natty. These kids waste so much time and money on ineffective regimens and supplements and whatever thinking they’re going to become jacked, then become disillusioned when their gains are marginal at best. Then they inevitably turn to steroids, and you have 16 year olds pinning tren and destroying their body’s natural ability to produce testosterone, and in some cases giving themselves organ failure or cardiac arrest.

That said, I guess I should acknowledge that there are a fair amount of natty influencers out there who get accused of roiding by people who assume that muscles equals steroids.

There’s one fitness influencer in particular that I actually kind of enjoy, Will Tennyson (I’m not even going to defend myself on this one, idgaf). As far as YouTube garbage goes, Will isn’t that bad, and I can turn my brain off for half an hour to enjoy his content and laugh at his jokes about sucking dick.

So many people accuse Will of not being natty, and I wonder if those people have actually watched any of his videos, because it’s pretty obvious he’s natty.

For starters, his physique really isn’t that impressive when he doesn’t have a pump going. Huge shoulders are usually a giveaway for steroid usage, but his shoulders seem pretty normal for a 30 year old guy who’s been eating relatively clean and training regularly for over ten years. If Will Tennyson is juicing, then he’s taking such a low dose that it’s barely effective enough to matter. Compared to someone like Sam Sulek, who’s blasting tren out of his ass and looks like the Hulk’s son.

I don’t have beef with Sam either, and I even kind of enjoy his videos. He’s on steroids, but he’s honest about it. In fact, there’s quite a few fitness influencers that are open and honest about their steroid usage. Some, like the Tren Twins, have made their entire brand around it. And that’s fine, I have no problem with those people (other than finding most of them annoying). They’re honest about what they’re doing, they’re not trying to sell their brands with an obvious lie.

I think that people greatly underestimate how much you can achieve with proper diet and training. I’ve mentioned them once or twice on here, but all one needs to do is look at legends like Eugen Sandow or George Hackenschmidt, who were both around before steroids were invented. Now imagine what those guys could have done with modern knowledge. Sure, a lot of people are on the juice, but we can’t always assume the worst of everyone and undersell the human race either.

There’s always going to be social media parasites preying on the young and the impressionable, especially in the fitness industry. So what can we do about all these juicers claiming natty status?

Simple. We legalize anabolic steroids.

Most of the people denying steroid usage are doing so because of the stigma around it, which in turn is caused by steroids being illegal. Recreational steroid use is illegal because of people misusing them, but I think that this only exacerbates the problem further. If you allow people to go to doctors and get prescribed steroids for bodybuilding, you’re not only breaking down the social stigma against steroids, but you’re also fighting steroid abuse. A sports doctor’s usually going to have a better understanding of what’s safe than your gym bro. Most professional athletes and actors are using them, so the argument that they’re bad for your health is bullshit. They’re only bad for your health if you don’t know what you’re doing and you try to wing it without professional guidance.

Once steroids are legalized and the stigma against using them is lifted, I imagine we’ll see a drop in influencers and other professionals lying about their usage, since there’s no real reason to lie anymore.

Then maybe I won’t have to see wrinkly old jacked dudes claiming that they don’t take steroids, and they can find a different way to con people that doesn’t involve denying the obvious.

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

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