Netflix: Just an innocent streaming service, right? WRONG!
A big old Texas howdy Truth Troopers. As always, I’m Alex Jonestown. Friend of freedom, scourge of The Powers That Be, and proprietor of the Truth™, the whole Truth™, and nothing but the Truth™. So help me God!
Ol’ Jonesy’s been hearing a whole lotta hullabaloo about Netflix. Troopers have approached me at conventions, asking what I think about Netflix and their so-called “woke” agenda. “Jonesy,” they say, “You’ve gotta expose the Truth™ about Netflix and their woke propaganda machine! Everyone’s talking about this but we wanna know the Truth™!”
When my Troopers come to me asking for the Truth™, it’s my duty as the Five Star General of the Truth Troopers and as a proud Texan and American to get to the bottom of things. Was Netflix really a woke propaganda machine, or were my Troopers being mislead by those dastardly Powers That Be? I rolled up my sleeves and began digging for the Truth™.
When I investigate something, readers, I start right at the source. So I plopped my big ol’ ass down on my couch, I turned on the idiot box, and I fired up Netflix. I sat there and I subjected myself to some of the stupidest, most asinine television I’ve ever watched in my 54 years on God’s green Earth. What a boring bunch of bullshit. People pay money for this nonsense?
The programming on Netflix left a lot to be desired, but that didn’t mean anything nefarious was going on. Watching paint dry is boring but that doesn’t mean Sherman-Williams is part of some wild woke agenda.
Watching all that boring trash on the idiot box left me feeling tired. It was nap time for this old Texas bloodhound.
And that’s when the Truth™ hit me, like a big old Peterbilt doing 85 down I10.
If there’s one thing you’ve probably figured out about ol’ Jonesy by now, it’s that I absolutely never take anything at face value. I’ve been at this Truth™ game for a long time, I’ve asked a lot of questions, and I’ve found a lot of answers that made me ask a lot more questions. I’ve seen a lot of shit, and if there’s one thing ol’ Jonesy’s certain about it’s that nothing is certain in this crazy world.
There’s a whole lotta talk about Netflix being “woke”, but the Truth™ is the streaming service is far from it. As a matter of fact, all this woke talk is nonsense, just another dog and pony show to catch your attention and distract you from what’s REALLY going on.
“Enough with the foreplay Jonesy! Just come out and tell me what’s really going on with Netflix!”
Netflix is trying to keep you asleep! Their real agenda is keeping you dumb, docile, and complacent! There isn’t a goddamned thing about Netflix that’s “woke”, those bastards don’t want you to wake up. They know that the moment you wake up you’re gonna realize that they’re selling you a steaming pile of bullshit. This whole thing about Netflix being woke is a huge joke, and you the viewer are part of the punchline!
People are so worried about this so-called “liberal agenda” that they’re missing the Truth™. And that’s the way they want it! They don’t want you to notice that you’re paying them $20 a month for the privilege of killing your braincells with trash like Squid Games or whatever cartoon they’re giving your kids brain damage with this time.
They make these movies and these TV shows, and they take the worst actors that they can find, and they throw them on your screen so you can mindlessly consume them like a herd of Texas steer as you sleepily graze from one trend to the next. They keep you happy fat and fed with slop, and you stay asleep and oblivious to the Truth™. They know that if you wake up, you’re gonna start asking questions. We can’t have you doing that, questions are bad for business! You’re trapped right where they want you. It’s right there in the damn name! They call it Netflix because they’ve got you caught in their net. And you damn well better believe they have no intention of letting you go!
Unfortunately for those manipulating sacks of shit, and fortunately for you, you can cut your way out of that net, you can wake yourself up and take back your life from the stream of propaganda. The Truth™ is sharper than any knife, it’s louder than any alarm clock, and it’s standard issue for any Truth Trooper.
Troopers, as soldiers fighting on the front lines of the information war, it’s up to us to be the alarm clock that wakes them up. It’s up to us to cut through Netflix’s net of propaganda and free the poor indoctrinated souls from the confinement that they pay $20 a month for.
Rise and shine America, the Truth™ is calling!
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