A big old Texas howdy, Truth Troopers! As always, I’m Alex Jonestown, Five Star General of the Truth Troopers, enemy of evil, defender of freedom, and the loudest goddamned voice for the Truth™ left in this crazy upside-down world.
Troopers, let me ask you something. Just what in the hell happened to dating?
Back in the day men met women the old fashioned way. Maybe you met a lovely lady at church, maybe you met her at the bar. Maybe your buddy set you up, or the two of you locked eyes across a crowded room and the sparks flew. That was back when human beings interacted like human beings because that’s how God Almighty designed it.
But now we’ve got millions of lonely Americans sitting in their apartments swiping their thumbs across glowing little rectangles like little lab rats hitting a lever for food pellets.
The mainstream narrative feeds us a line that dating apps are supposed to “connect people.” They tell us these apps are helping lonely folks find love in our fast-paced modern world. The commercials show smiling couples frolicking through parks and holding overpriced coffee drinks while some ukulele music plays in the background. Every one of these damn apps promises the same thing. “Find your soulmate.” “Meet your perfect match.” “Love is just a swipe away.”
Well Troopers, I got curious. And when ol’ Jonesy gets curious, ol’ Jonesy starts digging. I decided to look into these apps for myself after my younger friend Dick Bentes wouldn’t shut the hell up about them.
I had Dick on my show last month to talk about those damn electric scooters. During a commercial break, Dick’s telling me about all the women he’s doing the business with. I called bullshit, because the guy’s only 5’7 and struts around wearing sunglasses indoors like he’s always at a poker game. Just how in the hell is a guy like this getting so much tail?
As if he read my mind, little Dick turns to me, and he says, “Jonesy, you gotta get on the dating apps. That’s how people meet now.”
Now readers, I’ve been married twice, so I know a little something about relationships. Both of those marriages ended because my wives “couldn’t handle” my commitment to the Truth™. One of them actually told me, and I quote, “Alex, not everything is a conspiracy.”
Can you believe that? Imagine looking a man right in his eyes and saying something so god-damned ridiculous.
The second wife was even worse. Every time I even mentioned the Italian control of the entertainment industry she’d roll her eyes and ask me why I couldn’t “just enjoy dinner like a normal person.” I’m sorry honey, I’ll just sit here wagging my fluffy little tail and keeping my mouth shut, except when I open it to bleat in agreement with the narrative like a good little sheep. Baa baa!
Her mother’s maiden name was Romano, by the way. I’m sure that’s not a conspiracy though!
So Dick tells me about these apps, and at first I thought maybe humanity was just getting lazy. Maybe we’ve just forgotten how to talk to each other. But the more I looked into these apps, the more something started smelling fishier than a week old tuna melt left on the dashboard of a Ford pickup in the Texas heat.
Think about it, Troopers. These apps collect EVERYTHING. Your face, your age, your location, your interests, your sexual preferences, your fantasies, your conversations, your emotional vulnerabilities, all of it. They know how long you stare at certain photos, and they know what kind of people you’re attracted to. They know what messages make you excited and what ones make you depressed enough to sit there staring at your ceiling fan wondering just where in the hell it all went wrong.
Oh, and don’t think the usual suspects aren’t paying attention. Our fine Italian friends have spent decades controlling entertainment and media because those industries shape human behavior. You really think they’re going to ignore the largest collection of human attraction data ever assembled? Not a chance.
Now what could they be doing with all of that information?
“Oh, it’s just for advertising Jonesy! It’s just to improve the user experience!”
That’s what we in the Truth™ biz call bullshit.
You don’t build the largest database of human attraction in recorded history just to sell deodorant and sneakers.
Troopers, these apps are training artificial intelligence to replicate human sexuality!
Those disgusting and perverted Powers That Be are feeding AI billions upon billions of interactions between lonely and desperate people. Every swipe is data. Every flirtatious message is data. Every rejection is data. Every shirtless bathroom mirror picture some poor bastard uploads at 2 AM after a night of drinking is data! Every thing you do on those dating apps is data! It’s right there in the damn name! Dating, data! Dating apps are data apps, plain pure and simple!
They’re taking all that data, and they’re using it to teach the machine how human attraction works. Once their machines fully understand human sexuality, they don’t need humans reproducing anymore. Depopulation is the end goal, just like it always has been!
You think it’s coincidence that birth rates are collapsing across the Western world while these apps explode in popularity? You think it’s coincidence that people spend years endlessly swiping without ever forming stable families? These apps are psychological slot machines, Troopers. They keep you chasing validation without ever reaching fulfillment. The occasional match acts like a little dopamine pellet to keep you hooked while the algorithm studies you like a rat in a maze. Social engineering at its finest! No doubt brought to you by the big brains at Langley.
Then I started digging into who funded these companies, and readers, you aren’t gonna believe this one.
The Worthington Foundation has quietly funded startup investments connected to damn near every major dating app platform in existence.
That’s right. The Worthington Foundation.
John K. Worthington III again. Because it’s always that sick son of a bitch, isn’t it?
Now let me ask you something. Why would a “charity organization” be funding dating apps?
I don’t know about you, Troopers, but when I hear the word charity, I think about feeding hungry children, not financing an app where emotionally damaged millennials ignore each other while sitting on toilets swiping through filtered selfies like zombies in a digital graveyard.
The Worthington Foundation has their damn dirty fingerprints all over this operation. John K. Worthington III doesn’t want human beings forming strong families because strong families create independent people. Independent people ask questions, and they sure as shit resist control. A man with a wife, children, and a stable community has something to fight for. But isolated lonely people endlessly chasing tail through an algorithm? Those people are like putty in Worthington’s hands.
The dating apps keep you lonely while the AI learns how to be your perfect artificial companion. Why bother reproducing when you’ve got a perfectly customized AI girlfriend who never argues with you about chemtrails, never complains when you spend four hours researching the Italian conspiracy, and never asks why every road somehow always leads back to Rome?
They want humanity emotionally sedated and biologically obsolete. And by God, it’s already happening. They’ve turned love itself into a data harvesting operation for machines. They’ve taken one of the most sacred human experiences and transformed it into a damn behavioral laboratory run by billionaire psychopaths and silicon-brained algorithms.
John K. Worthington III and his cronies don’t want you finding love. They want you isolated, distracted, infertile, and dependent on technology while their AI learns to replace human connection entirely. They’re studying your desires so they can mass produce artificial relationships like microwavable TV dinners for the soul.
Well not this Texan, Troopers! I refuse to let these bastards digitize humanity itself.
Delete the apps. Go outside and talk to real people. Meet somebody at church, at a baseball game, at a barbecue, hell I don’t care where. Just stop feeding your deepest emotions into the machine these lunatics are building to turn against us.
The Truth™ will always be more human than their algorithms!
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