Battlestation Breakdown – Loli Dakimakura Edition

It’s time for another Battlestation Breakdown!

This time around, we’ve got:

• My personal headcanon
• No personality
• Too much personality
• Christmas lights and insulation
• Loser men pretending to be women
• An office metalhead
• Warhammer 40k
• A loli-loving degenerate scumbag
• A Windows XP-themed room

Let’s jump right in and break down some battlestations.

1. I love it when they listen to my suggestions

In our last Battlestation Breakdown, we had a setup that looked like a Josef Fritzl rape dungeon. I suggested that this person put up some posters, specifically Megadeth’s Rust in Peace album cover and anything by Iron Maiden.

My headcanon for this setup is that it’s the same person, and not only did they listen to my suggestions about the posters, but they went the extra mile by putting up drywall, getting a new desk, fixing the lighting, and even installing a window.

Oh, and they left 4chan and came to Reddit.

Anyway, this setup is pretty basic, but it’s got more personality than some overpriced POS setup decked out in Star Wars shit and IKEA desks. You’ve got posters for Rust in Peace and Number of the Beast, which both have some of my favorite album art of all time. I’m not a big Sum 41 guy (no matter how much Spotify tries to cram their music down my throat), but I don’t have a problem with them either. Points awarded.

I’m guessing there’s some kind of light off-screen that’s giving the room that blue glow. I’m feeling it, and it really goes great with the Rust in Peace poster.

There isn’t much else to say about this setup. It’s not stellar and there’s not much to it, but sometimes it’s okay to just stick with the basics.

Score: 6/10

2. Too bad money can’t buy personality.

The more I do these battlestation reviews, the more I begin to see just how bland and empty some of these setups really are. Just throwing a bunch of money at your setup doesn’t make it good.

On the surface, this one looks really nice. It’s clean, it’s got decent contrast, and the glow of the LEDs enhance the aesthetic.

But let’s look closer.

We’ve got what appears to be a sim racing setup on the right with a huge curved monitor. Okay, nothing too unusual about that. Expensive hobby though.

Then we’ve got a 3D printer. Again, nothing really unusual there. Expensive hobby though.

Then we’ve got another huge curved monitor, part of what I’m assuming is the person’s primary computer. Nothing unusual. Those curved monitors must’ve cost a pretty penny though.

Then there’s a triple monitor setup with a footrest and an adjustable desk for standing, which leads me to believe that this is for working from home. Again, nothing unusual.

Then we have what I think is a MacBook and an iPad. Still nothing unusual about that, but those definitely cost a pretty penny.

You see what I’m getting at here? For all the money this person obviously spent on this setup, it’s still very bland and boring. Under the expensive crap lies plain white walls, which is an indication of their personality. For as much as I rag on Redditors who deck their battlestations out in generic Star Wars crap, at least they have something going on.

The last one wasn’t as clean or aesthetic, but it had personality to it. This setup just looks like an alien trying to emulate a human. It’s clean and it’s flashy, but it’s sterile as hell.

Score: 3/10

3. Artistic liberties

On the other hand, there is such a thing as having too much personality. This setup treads that line, but doesn’t quite cross it.

I suspect that this person is an artist. If so, they get a pass for having so much crap plastered on their wall, since they probably drew most of it themselves.

I’m not going to critique the art or anything, since none of it stands out to me as worthy of praise or criticism. I see a drawing of D. Va though, and it makes me wonder if people are still playing Overwatch in 2026. I’m not about to reinstall it and find out though.

The desk looks kind of crowded with figures and stuff, but for some reason I feel like this is a common thing with artists. The raccoon on the microphone is triggering the everloving shit out of my OCD though. It’s not actually in the way, but I could never have something hanging from my microphone like that, it would drive me bonkers.

Overall, this one is a little messy, but it’s a fun kind of messy. I dig it.

…

Wait, does that coffee mug say “Gender is garbage”?

Nevermind, this setup is garbage.

Score: 0/10 oh alright fine 5/10

4. The Nintendork

When it comes to my battlestation reviews, I’m far from an impartial judge. I have plenty of biases, and basement setups are one of them.

I love a good basement setup. Probably because I never lived in a house with a basement where I could actually build one. The closest I’ve came was living in my friend’s basement rec room for a few years, and that was basically just a ground level studio apartment so it doesn’t even really count.

This basement battlestation looks pretty dope, and a big part of that has to do with the lighting and the insulation panels. If it was me, I’d have slapped up Govee LED strips everywhere. This person went with basic string lights, and it’s obvious that this was the better choice. The string lights interact with the reflective insulation panels just enough to create a subdued ambiance. My idea would look like a glowing neon eyesore. Points awarded.

I see some Zelda posters, a Mario poster, and a Splatoon poster. It’s obvious you’re a Nintendo fan, and I respect it. I no longer buy consoles (PC master race), but if I did I’d probably go with Nintendo, since it seems like they’re the only ones still trying to make games that are actually fun and don’t cater to the tryhard turbo-virgin pro-gamer dorks. Me owning 20 shares of Nintendo stock has absolutely nothing to do with it.

This battlestation looks pretty chill. I’d hang here and play Smash Bros or Mario Kart. But not Mario Party. Fuck Mario Party. Fuck Mario Party right in the ear.

Score: 7/10

5. Always a loser, never a winner.

This next one is from 4chan.

Wait, no, it’s from… Reddit?!

Judging from the purse, the jewelry, the PS1 controller, the CRT monitor, and all the Miku figures, it’s obvious that this person is a guy pretending to be a woman.

YWNBAW.

As we all know, on AJnet Magazine “YWNBAW” stands for “You will never be a winner.” You will never be a winner as long as you’re a grown man going around pretending to be a woman.

But we don’t judge or discriminate here at AJnet, so I’m going to evaluate this setup just as I would any other.

This setup is an absolute mess. Shit’s strewn around everywhere, there’s zero attempt at any kind of organization, and it looks like that chair has been blown out by the force of a million farts. You’re a disgusting slob with a dirty ass room, and, judging by the damage to your chair, a dirty ass. That carpet looks like puke, and it probably has fleas. What a fucking disgrace, you should be ashamed of yourself for sharing this on Reddit. I know I’m ashamed of myself for sharing this on my site. If you’re going to pretend to be a woman, at least try to be clean like one.

Cool Angry Birds curtain though.

Score: 8/10

6. Most offices are just adult daycare centers. Change my mind.

Congratulations on being employee of the year!

I’m only saying that because I know you’ll never actually hear it, with a workstation like this.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with letting employees decorate their cubicles. Most people opt to put up pictures of their kids, holiday decorations, or printouts with motivational quotes. Some people even decorate their office spaces with gaudy crap they found in thrift stores or generic fortunes they got with their Chinese takeout.

When you cover your entire workstation with toys and stuff from metal bands, it’s not only tacky, it’s also unprofessional as hell. Even if that Iron Maiden mousepad is cool, it doesn’t belong in the office.

If any of my employees had this much shit at their desk, I’d come in two hours before everyone else, throw it all in the trash, then blame the overnight Honduran janitor. We have clients coming into our office, I don’t want them seeing this goofy looking mess. I’d have to lie and tell them it belongs to a special needs employee named Chris.

This is coming from the CEO who wears band T-shirts and jeans to the office on days he doesn’t have to see clients. Clean up this heavy metal turd of a desk and try acting like a damn adult.

Oh, and all that stuff I just said?

You good dawg. Your workstation looks pretty cool. I really dig the Iron Maiden mousepad. Nice patch jacket too, reminds me that I still have to add more to mine.

Score: 6/10

7. Suffer not the unclean to live.

Yes, I know that’s a Black Templars motto, and Titus is an Ultramarine. No, I don’t care. I’m serious Carl, fuck off.

As someone who has a genuine interest in the Warhammer 40k lore but not in the actual board game, I like this setup.

That collection of figures in the display case is probably as expensive as the computer. I’m not kidding, Warhammer figurines are absurdly expensive. The Titan alone might cost more than the computer. Burglars take note, if you ever break into someone’s house and you see Warhammer figures, scoop them up.

Putting the Warhammer stuff aside, this is a pretty clean little setup. The lighting in particular is on point. I think most of it is coming from the display case?

The only criticism I have is that the display case is in front of the window. Unless my sense of perspective is off here, I don’t see how you could open that curtain. Your lighting may be on point, but natural light is important too. If you have access to it, don’t block it out.

Would definitely exterminate some xenos scum with this person. All glory to Holy Terra and the Emperor.

Score: 8/10

8. I’m calling the police.

A lot of people think that animated child porn should be outlawed. I disagree with that. Now, before you grab the torches and pitchforks and call Chris Hansen, hear me out.

My argument can easily be summed up by this guy’s setup.

Right now, this guy can go onto his computer, open a folder full of lolicon pictures or videos and beat his dick to his heart’s content before falling asleep next to his loli body pillows as he’s surrounded by pictures of little anime girls. It’s weird, it’s degenerate, it’s disgusting, but ultimately there’s no victim, so long as he’s just pulling his pudd to cartoons.

If we outlaw lolicon and other animated child pornography, you know what this creep would be doing instead?

He’d be opening his fly at the local playground and beating his dick to little girls there.

Do you want to live in a world where sick bastards like this can be found out in public? I sure as hell don’t.

Look at his setup. This person is a filthy degenerate who doesn’t belong in public. By allowing him to twiddle his Twinkies to cartoons, we’re keeping real children safe from sexual deviants.

My advice to this person would be to find Jesus, but honestly I think Islam might be more up his alley considering that Muhammad married a 6 year old girl and consummated the marriage when she was 9.

You make the person in #5 look sane and healthy. Seek help. And by help, I mean a shotgun. Kurt Cobain yourself my dude.

Score: 0/10

9. I’m pretty sure this one’s AI but IDGAF

Okay, so the title was a bit misleading.

I know this is obviously fake, but I’m not sure if it was made with AI, or if it’s a really good Photoshop job. Maybe it’s a bit of both. I don’t see any of the usual glaring indicators that it’s AI generated though, so if it is AI then at least the person who generated it put in some effort.

I can’t find a source on it either. These were posted to 4chan, but there’s also a little logo on the bottom left corner that I’ve never seen before. A reverse image search yielded a Twitter account, but other than posting the picture there’s nothing linking the Twitter account to the logo. I have no idea whose logo that is.

This conceptual setup is obviously a giant plug for Windows XP, but it looks awesome. I’m not even that big of an XP fanboy (I liked Windows 98 more), this just looks aesthetic af. It reminds me of something you’d see in a tech magazine back in the day.

I could definitely see myself living in a Windows XP-themed house, or at least having an XP-themed battlestation. This mock-up makes me nostalgic for a simpler time, when operating systems weren’t crammed with useless and invasive bullshit “features”, and just fucking worked. I hate everything that Microsoft has become, and when I’m finally forced to ditch Windows 10 I’m going to Linux. I never thought I’d say this, but the company was better under Ballmer.

This is a cool conceptual battlestation though. Props to whoever made these pictures.

Score: 10/10

That’s all we’ve got for you today.

Readers are welcome to submit their own battlestations for inclusion in future Battlestation Breakdowns. Send it to us by email at [email protected], or leave it in the comments below, and we may feature it in an upcoming article.

Angry_Jerk

Adam “The Angry Jerk” Baker is the CEO of The AJnet Organization and Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. A grizzled internet veteran of over 20 years, he writes about politics, culture, and whatever else manages to annoy him that day.

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