This month from the AJnet Archives: A removed article about hot moms!
Getting old fucking blows.
There’s plenty of things that suck about pushing 40, but one of the worst things is not being able to enjoy MILFs.
As a teenager I had a thing for older women. This was almost certainly rooted in the strained relationship that I had with my own mother at the time, with me seeking out the maternal affection that I didn’t feel I was getting at home in various inappropriate ways, like hitting on married women twice my age and eventually losing my virginity to one.
Being into older women is cool when you’re a teenager, but once you’re almost 40 your attraction to older women turns from a MILF fetish to a granny fetish. It’s cool to like hot moms, but nobody wants to be the guy trying to bang grannies. After you pass 35, most of those hot moms are your age or younger, and any “hot older woman” usually has teenage grandkids.
While I can’t say I haven’t seen some good looking women in their 60’s, I’ve largely outgrown my attraction to older women (and repaired my relationship with my mom, since you asked). My girlfriend is nine years older than me, but she doesn’t have kids so the age gap isn’t readily apparent (guys don’t realize just how much having kids ages women). I honestly tend to forget the age difference is even there most of the time.
Anyway, MILFs were one of the recurring things I wrote about in the early years of the site. You can see this in old articles like “Working with idiots“, “Beer bashes in the woods blow“, and a few others I don’t feel like looking up right now.
It should come as no surprise that I did an entire article dedicated exclusively to the subject.
“A Tribute to Hot Moms” was published on Mother’s Day of either 2007 or 2008. Considering that I referenced the Virginia Tech shooting, I’m going to guess that it was 2007. This article was among one of the first I pulled when I switched the site over to WordPress in 2016. It didn’t even make the conversion. Most were removed because of the over-the-top offensive edgelord bullshit, but this one has the unique distinction of being removed because it includes a picture of someone’s mom.
This is “A Tribute to Hot Moms”, originally published on Mother’s Day of either 2007 or 2008.
It’s Mother’s Day, so I would like to take a minute to honor all those hot moms out there. You know who you are. But not you. Yeah, I’m talking to you, the 400 pound bitch with sand in her vagina, the one who blames Grand Theft Auto games for Virginia Tech.
Women are like a fine wine. They grow better with age. Or something like that. I can’t be bothered to look it up. But you get the jist of what I’m saying, right? I like older women.
Some might say that if a woman has kids, her pussy is loose. I don’t know for sure, but I think they have some kind of cream for that now. And besides, by that time, the woman’s mastered pleasing men, so she would definitely be able to make up for a stretched vagina.
Besides, a lot of older women are smoking hot. Take this woman for example:
Would you be able to tell she’s 45? I sure wouldn’t. Sure, it looks like she has a lazy eye, sorta, kinda, not really. But that only turns me on more. And by posting her picture, I’m not only demonstraing my taste in women, but I’m also saying fuck you to this dude I hate, because that’s his mom. Take that, asshole. Yeah, I want to fuck your mom, and so do most of the people who are reading this. How does it feel having people objectify your mom like she’s some kind of whore? It hurts, doesn’t it? Yeah, I know. Everyone seems to have slept with my mom these days. Everywhere I go, people tell me they slept with her, and that she’s good in bed. I’ve never verified it myself, but it must be true, because the majority can never be wrong, right? For further demostration of this point, see “George W. Bush, Re-election of.”
But seriously, hot moms are the fucking best. There are 5 4 types of females I like: Red-heads, Black hair with green eyes, 30 to 50 year old women, 13 year olds, and emo-looking chicks. Out of those choices, my personal favorite is the 30 to 50 year old women. Sadly to say, MILFs usually can’t co-exist with any of the other things mentioned, although there’s this hot red-head MILF who I always see out back of where I work. Goddamn, she has a nice fucking ass. And I think she’s like 30. Or at least 29.
I gotta go rub one out now. Happy Mother’s Day!
The woman in the picture is the mother of a guy from high school who I had beef with. His name was Harry. Whatever joke you’re about to make regarding his last name, I can assure you that his actual last name was just as funny if not funnier. I’m not going to dox him on here, but he had a rather unfortunate last name to go with “Harry”, and it wasn’t “Potter”.
Harry was a piece of shit white boy who thought he was a black ghetto gangsta (remember when we used to call these people “wiggers”?). The guy was always rocking the oversized white T’s with the baggy pants sagging down past his ass, and even wore durags. He was also about half my size, but it didn’t stop him from fronting like he was tough. Napoleon complex is real, folks.
Anyway, a couple years after high school I was browsing Myspace when I came across Harry’s profile. One of his pictures was the picture of his mom, with a caption to the effect of “Looking pretty, love you mom” or something like that. Being the spiteful son of a bitch that I was, I swiped the picture and included it in an article about hot moms as payback for all the shit Harry gave me in high school. To my knowledge, word never got back to him about it. When I moved everything to WordPress I decided against reposting the article on the off chance he found the site later and saw it. No sense restarting old battles. I’m only reposting it now because it’s unlikely he’ll ever see it, and even if he does there isn’t shit he can actually do about it.
As far as the rest of the article goes, I can confidently say that, yes, there is a difference between banging a woman who’s had kids and a woman who hasn’t. I can also say that it’s only a real issue if you have a small dick. Unless you’re banging Octomom (I’ve seen her porn videos, she doesn’t seem like she’d be much fun) the difference in pleasure is minimal at best.
The bit about everyone sleeping with my mom was actually inspired by something me and my friend Malachi would do. Most people would bust on each other’s moms, but me and Malachi would bust on our own moms. We’d have competitions to see who could rip on our own mothers the hardest. I won most of them, but Malachi was no lightweight (in more ways than one). When we wanted to make fun of each other’s moms, we’d say nice things. “Your mom bakes cookies for homeless people!” “Yeah, but she sucks their dicks after. Your mom is kind, thoughtful, and just downright nice. She looks like she lost weight, has she been working out?” “Yeah, working out by riding dicks.” Our contests came to a sad end in 2017 when his mother died, and our friendship came to a sad end when he died in 2020. I still miss you, you fat fucking Jew.
I vividly remember the redhead with the nice ass who lived in one of the houses out back of my work. My dishwashing station was right next to the door, giving me a nice view whenever she was outside, usually to watch her kid. Her kid was a fat little blonde boy and looked like former pro wrestler Dusty Rhodes, almost nothing like his mother. I never saw what the dad looked like, but I can only imagine. Maybe Cody has an illegitimate half brother in Philly. I wouldn’t blame Dusty, that ass was divine. You could bounce a quarter off of it and get two dimes and a nickel.
I don’t know why I thought the crossed-out 13 year old girls thing was funny. Looking back on it it’s kind of lame even by 2007 standards.
You’ll be happy to know that I managed to get two out of the five four with my current girlfriend, who is a redhead in her 40’s.
All in all, this wasn’t one of my best earlier articles, but I guess it wasn’t my worst. I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind when I wrote most of my early stuff. I have other removed articles from the 2007-2008 years that I want to share, but I’m leery about doing it because most of it was edgelord try-hard racist shit. On the other hand, I guess I don’t have to worry about getting cancelled anymore, so maybe it’s safe to share them so we can all have a laugh at what a retard I was back then.
We’ll see how I’m feeling about it next month.
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