Why is church so boring every single time?
Mom makes us go to church every Sunday and I already know it’s gonna suck before we even get there. Dad doesn’t even care, he just sits there like 😐 the whole time and I’m pretty sure he only goes because mom makes him. One time I asked him if he likes church and he just went “it’s fine” which means he hates it but doesn’t want to get yelled at.
Why is there so much standing and kneeling? You sit, then stand, then sit, then kneel, then stand again, then kneel again. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! My legs start hurting and the kneeling part is the worst because the pew thing is hard and it feels like my knees are getting stabbed. I tried to just sit one time instead of kneeling and mom gave me an angry look and I had to do it anyway.
It’s not even fair, because my little brother Aiden gets to cheat. All he has to do is start crying and mom takes him outside and he doesn’t have to sit through church anymore. I should be allowed to do that too. I tried fake coughing one time but mom said “you’re fine” and made me stay. So Aiden gets to watch Cocomelon outside or whatever and I have to sit there listening to boring stuff? That’s so stupid!!!
The priest is SOOOOOO boring too. Father Kennedy does the homily most of the time and he just talks in this slow voice like he’s trying to put everyone to sleep. I’m pretty sure he actually does put people to sleep because I fell asleep one time and when I woke up mom was pinching my arm really hard and whispering at me. I wasn’t even trying to fall asleep it just happened because he was talking forever about something I don’t even remember.
Sometimes we get Father McGinty though and that’s actually better because he tells jokes and sometimes they’re actually funny but sometimes they’re weird. Mom doesn’t like him though. One time he said something weird and a bunch of people laughed but mom didn’t laugh at all and just crossed her arms. I heard mom talking to dad once about him being at their wedding and she said he said something “completely inappropriate” and dad started laughing and she told him to shut up. I don’t know what he said but it must have been funny because dad still laughs about it.
Also the singing sucks. Why are we singing these slow boring songs? Nobody even sings good except like two old ladies in the front who are trying way too hard. Why can’t we sing something actually good like The Offspring or Green Day? If they started playing “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” I would actually pay attention and sing along but no we have to sing the same slow stuff every week.
You’re not even allowed to eat anything either. Why can’t I have snacks? Church would be way better if I could just sit there eating Doritos or something. One time I snuck in a bag of chips and I tried to open it really quiet but the bag made that loud CRUNCH sound and everyone turned and looked at me. Even the priest stopped talking for a second. Mom took the chips and I didn’t get them back because she ate them in the car which is complete BS!!!
My friend Joey goes to Catholic school and he says they have to go to church even more and they have religion class and stuff. That sounds like the worst thing ever. If normal church is this boring then Catholic school must be like 10 times worse. I would lose my mind!! I already barely survive one day a week, imagine doing that all the time.
Church is just boring every single time and I don’t understand why adults like it. Maybe they don’t and they’re just pretending like dad. All I know is if I ever get to make the rules, church is gonna have snacks, better music, and no kneeling because my knees are getting DESTROYED every Sunday and I’m sick of it!!!
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