File 062426-023 – Fast Food
Xyzabcrst doesn’t understand why humans wait in long lines to buy food designed to make them unhealthy. His investigation gets stranger when he discovers the truth about Ronald McDonald.
Fun
High-engagement content, experiments, and character-driven pieces designed to entertain, provoke, or spiral out of control.
DEAR JUAN: My Brother Won’t Get a Job!
Sarah’s brother is 27, unemployed, living with their parents, and still somehow thinks taking her car without asking counts as borrowing. Señor Juan explains why she can’t force him to grow up, but she can absolutely hide her keys and stop letting him treat her car like a family rental service.
Waffle House experiences unprecedented night of peace and goodwill
Customers returned lost property, helped strangers, paid for meals, and avoided fights during an unprecedented night of peace at a Georgia Waffle House.
File 042626-017 – Music
Xyzabcrst shares his thoughts on music, concerts, dancing, and why humanity may be the only known species in the universe that turns sound into entertainment.
DEAR JUAN: My husband won’t stop buying survival gear!
A worried wife asks Señor Juan what to do after her husband transforms their basement into a survival bunker and starts preparing their son for the end of the world.
File 110225-052 – Daylight Saving Time
Xyzabcrst wants to know why humans keep changing their clocks twice a year. Unfortunately, every explanation only makes Daylight Saving Time sound even more irrational.
Why Is Church So Boring Every Single Time?
Timmy is sick of sitting, standing, kneeling, boring sermons, and terrible church music every Sunday. Meanwhile, his little brother Aiden gets to escape Mass whenever he starts crying.
The Truth™ About Dating Apps!
According to Alex Jonestown, dating apps aren’t helping people find love. They’re harvesting humanity’s deepest desires to train artificial intelligence. Follow the data trail from endless swiping to AI companions, depopulation, and the ever-present shadow of John K. Worthington III. The Truth™ may be stranger than you think.
Fight Night – Slappy vs Chuckie
Fight Night heads to a rotting abandoned daycare center as Slappy the Dummy and Chuckie Finster are thrown into one of the most bizarre matchups the series has seen so far.