A big old Texas howdy, Truth Troopers! As always, I’m Alex Jonestown, Five Star General of the Truth Troopers, defender of freedom, and one of the last men on God’s green Earth willing to tell you what’s really going on in this upside-down clown world.
We’ve all been told the same bedtime story since we were kids, Troopers. Big scary dinosaurs roaming around the Earth for millions of years, until one day, BOOM! A giant space rock comes crashing down out of nowhere and wipes them all out. End of story, nighty night. Millions of years later, we dig them up, museums display their bones, scientists pat themselves on the back, and we’re all supposed to nod along like good little boys and girls.
Well I’ve got news for you, Troopers. That story is a steaming load of bullshit.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “Here we go again, Jonesy’s probably about to tell us another one of his kooky conspiracy theories. He’s probably going to give us some crap about how dinosaurs are still alive.”
You’re damn right I am.
I know how crazy I sound right now. I sound like I just ran away from the funny farm. But Troopers, have I ever steered you wrong? I’m in the business of Truth™. If I’m lying, I’m crying. And right now ol’ Jonesy ain’t shedding a tear!
When I say the dinosaurs are still around, I don’t mean that we’ve got giant lizards stomping around eating people like we’re in the latest Jurassic Park movie. When I say dinosaurs are still here, I mean they’re walking among us.
That’s right. The dinosaurs didn’t go extinct. They’re walking around right alongside us on two damn legs!
Now let me ask you this, Troopers. These creatures ruled the Earth for almost 200 million years. And we’re supposed to believe this species that dominated the planet for so long just got snuffed out overnight like somebody flipped a damn light switch?
Meanwhile, us little old monkeys went from banging rocks together to launching satellites in just a tiny fraction of that time?
Hang on just a second, Troopers. I’ve gotta go make a call to BULLSHIT!
Now, I didn’t come to this conclusion overnight. This wasn’t some half-baked idea I cooked up after one too many beers. This particular Truth™ bomb came courtesy of my longtime friend and fellow freedom fighter, David Thicke.
During a guest appearance on one of David’s shows, we were sitting there during a break, talking about getting old. I say to David, “What the hell do a couple of old dinosaurs like us know?” And that’s when he does it, Troopers. That’s when David turns to me, calm as can be, and says, “Alex, you do realize the dinosaurs are still here, don’t you?”
David says some crazy stuff, but I’ve learned to listen to that crazy son of a bitch, because when it comes to the Truth™, me and David are almost always on the same frequency. So when he told me that the dinosaurs were still here, I just had to listen.
“Just what the hell are you talking about, David?”
He just smiled that little grin of his, the grin of a man who knows something you don’t, and knows he’s about to shatter your entire understanding of reality like an empty beer bottle.
“It’s quite simple when you think about it, Alex,” he said. “The asteroid didn’t wipe them out. It forced them to evolve.”
I told him, “Come on David, they’ve got the fossils, they’ve got the bones, they’ve got the whole timeline figured out.”
But David just waved it off like it was nothing.
“Who’s figured it out, Alex?” he asked. “The same institutions controlled by The Powers That Be? The very same people who benefit from you believing the dominant species before you just conveniently vanished?”
And just like that, Troopers, David had me hooked like a largemouth bass! As he started reeling me in, he fed me more of the details.
“The dinosaurs weren’t just mindless animals, Alex. There was an advanced species among them. They were an intelligent and organized lot, capable of technology far beyond what we’re told.”
Now I’ll be honest with you, Troopers. At this point, I was still skeptical. Even I have my limits, and my buddy was definitely pushing them. But David kept going, putting the puzzle together for me piece by piece.
“When that asteroid hit, it didn’t wipe them out,” he said. “It split them.”
Split them? Just what in the hell does that mean?
“One group went underground,” David explained. “Deep beneath the Earth’s crust. Think about it, Alex. We’ve got all those cave systems, nobody’s really explored them, now have they? The one group of dinosaurs adapted to survive down there, away from the surface. They’re still down there.”
Underground dinosaurs? David was really trying his damnedest to sell his theory, but I still wasn’t ready to buy it.
That’s when he hit me with the second half.
“The other group left. They went off-world,” he said. “They left the planet, went out and colonized space. The Thuban system, that’s where they went. You know, Alpha Draconis.”
This was the craziest damn thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Dinosaurs with spaceships? Come on.
But David wasn’t done yet. Not by a longshot.
“They didn’t stay away forever, Alex,” he continued. “They came back, back here to Earth. They returned during early human history,” he said. “And when they got here, they found something unexpected.”
“What’s that?” I asked him.
“Us.”
That’s right, Troopers. Us little old monkeys had evolved into human beings and taken over the planet while they were gone. We claimed all that land and built our civilizations. We established dominance over the Earth, as God Almighty intended.
And according to David, those Thubans saw an opportunity.
“They couldn’t just wipe all the humans out,” he explained. “They saw a valuable resource in us, slave labor. So they adapted again. They’ve got themselves this genetic ability, something similar to a chameleon. They can alter their appearance, make themselves look like us.”
When it comes to fighting for the Truth™ I’m no welterweight. I can hold my own against some of the best in the business. But, goddammit David, every time I step into the ring with you, you get me on the ropes and hit me with a damn knockout punch!
I said to him, “You’re telling me the dinosaurs left Earth, then came back from space and disguised themselves as people?”
David just nodded, grinning that little grin of his.
“They’ve infiltrated every level of our society, Alex. Governments. Corporations. The media. They’re not visitors, they’re reclaiming what they believe is rightfully theirs.”
Son of a bitch! When David’s right, he’s right!
Once you see it, Troopers, you can’t unsee it. Suddenly it starts to make all the damn sense in the world.
The “people” running the show aren’t people at all, they’re Thubans! They’re the space-faring descendants of the dinosaurs, and they believe this planet, this big blue marble that we call Earth, belongs to them!
Once I picked myself up off the floor, I grabbed my shovel and did a little digging of my own. I don’t just take things at face value. I do my homework, I follow the leads. I do it all for you, Troopers, so I can bring you the Truth™, the whole Truth™, and nothing but the Truth™. So help me God!
Sometimes, the Truth™ is crazier than fiction!
You remember Shoemaker-Levy 9? That comet that slammed into Jupiter back in the 90s? They told us it was just a random space rock breaking apart and crashing into the giant gas planet. They fed us some kind of scientific mumbo jumbo full of phrases like “gravitational pull” and “natural forces”.
Well ol’ Jonesy’s got a phrase of his own:
BULLSHIT!
That was no comet, Troopers. That was a goddamned invasion fleet!
And just where the hell was that little fleet headed? It was headed straight for Earth! The Thubans called in reinforcements from home, and something stopped them before they could get here.
Now who do we know that’s already been meddling in our affairs? Who’s been pushing their own agenda on this planet?
That’s right, it’s our old friends, the so-called Nordic aliens!
Those frost giant bastards intercepted that fleet and blew it to hell near Jupiter before it could reach us.
We’re sitting smack-dab in the middle of war, Troopers. Humanity is caught right in the middle of a secret war for control of Earth, whether we like it or not.
I’m not done yet, Troopers! I still have one final Truth™ bomb left to drop. And you can bet your ass it’s a big one!
You know the name.
You’ve seen him, you’ve heard him. That polished image, that cold demeanor, that feeling like there’s something just a little off.
He’s not one of us!
John K. Worthington III is a damn Thuban! He’s just another shape-shifting, space-faring dinosaur infiltrator sitting right there in the seat of power, pulling strings and working to hand this planet back to his fellow lizards!
The dinosaurs didn’t die, Troopers. They evolved, they left, they bided their time. Then they came back, and now they’re hiding in plain sight. This planet isn’t just ours anymore, it’s contested territory.
And the enemy looks just like you!
More from Alex Jonestown
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