In this Battlestation Breakdown: Mac Sabbath, the Eagles, stupid chairs, and Japanese pop idols!
I feel the itch again, readers.
No, not that itch. The ointment cleared that one up, and it hasn’t come back since.
I’m talking about the itch to change my setup.
Last year, I shared pictures of my old setups. What I didn’t mention was that I was constantly rearranging my room. I pulled quite a few all-nighters switching stuff up and moving everything around, usually to the annoyance of my family.
When I finally got my own place, I did a few serious rearrangements before eventually settling on the layout that I have now:
Over time I’ve added lights, rearranged monitors, and changed a few minor things, but the general template has remained the same.
You’ve heard (read) me bitch about my IKEA tables, how flimsy they are and how they’re not really conducive to using my keyboard with good posture. I really want to get rid of them, but my cheap ass doesn’t want to eat the few hundred dollars that I spent on them. None of my friends want them either. I’m tempted to dump them at our office at this point. I wanted to buy some lumber and build a desk, but I just don’t have the time for that. I’m probably going to end up buying some overpriced crap from Amazon or Office Max.
Anyway, I want to rearrange my room again, but I’ve got so much shit mounted to my walls that the whole thing would probably take a few days.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I do know that I want to do something. Here I am talking all kinds of shit on everyone else’s setup when my own setup isn’t that great. I need to get myself to higher ground so I can properly lord over everyone else.
I digress.
This time around, we’ve got a giant wraparound setup, an overpriced chair (one that’s NOT a Herman Miller), a messy cubicle, a Japanese guy who’s obsessed with pop idols, an under-the-bed setup, and an Eagles fan. Oh, and we’re checking in for a third time on a 4chan user.
So put on your party pants, because things are about to get a little funky.
No, I don’t know what the hell that means. Just go with it, okay?
1. Do the wraparound
I too have a wraparound setup, but it doesn’t look like this. That’s because the IKEA Linnmon/Lagkapten/whatever the hell they call it now tables absolutely blow. Seriously, I’ve just about McFucking had it with those tables. I’m not loving it.
This person’s wraparound setup looks pretty good. It’s aesthetic, it’s clean, it’s practical. I’d like to know where they got their desks from, because I might actually consider buying them when I finally redo my own setup. I like the wood look, and I like how they have not just one, but two shelves built in. I don’t know that the top shelf could actually support more than a few pounds, but it would be great for my collectables.
The lighting here is also pretty good. I’m not being blasted in the face with a million LED strips, the warm lights work well with the desks’ wood texture. I think this setup could benefit from a few plants (real or fake) to really complete the look.
This gets a 7/10. It’s nothing special, but it’s still good enough that I want to draw inspiration from it for my own setup.
2. He’s still at it
This might not look that great, but it’s come a long way.
Previously, we’ve featured this setup twice in our Battlestation Reviews. Once in New Beginnings Edition, and again in Gnomed Edition. Each time, this Anon has made a little more progress on improving his setup.
And this time is no exception.
Anon has finally updated to a real big boy computer table, complete with a shelf which he’s used to stack his massive CD collection, and his monitor. He’s still using that dining room chair, but I guess it works for him. At least it has a cushion on it (has that always been there?).
This setup looks better now that you’ve got the CDs on a shelf. Last time, we gave you a 6/10. I’m bumping you up to 7/10. You’re getting there, and I look forward to seeing what you’ll have next time. This guy’s a battlestation powerhouse waiting to happen. AJnet believes in you, Anon.
3. $6,265 down the shitter
When I saw this setup, the first thing I thought of was Mr. Garrison’s bike from South Park:
This chair is, without a doubt, the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Does it come with a pair of oversized red shoes? Only a clown would buy this thing.
Aside from this ugly monstrosity and a dresser, the rest of the room is empty. That’s probably because this dumbass spent all his money on that ridiculous chair.
You’re probably wondering how much this thing costs. The Emperor XT retails around $6,265. That’s over $6,000 for this crap. Jesus fucking Christ. Just because you can afford to buy something doesn’t mean you should actually buy it. The only reason that companies like MWE Lab even exist is because of gullible idiots like this person who have more money than sense.
0/10, get the fuck out here with your big retarded clown chair of failure.
4. Heavy metal mess
Some people decorate their cubicles with pictures of their families, friends, or kids. This Anon decorated theirs with a mishmash of metal bands and memes. That’s cool though, because this might be the first time I’ve actually seen the kings of drive-thru metal, Mac Sabbath, referenced in the wild.
I actually happened to have caught Mac Sabbath and Galactic Empire during that tour, and I even have the same poster:
Cool poster aside, the rest of this work station is a disorganized mess. Is that a shit stain on chair? Sweet mother of God. If any of my employees were this messy they wouldn’t be out the door, because I’d probably launch them out of the window instead.
Clean your desk up. You can start by putting those laptop bags on the floor. I know you probably don’t get paid enough to care about your job, but that’s no excuse for living in filth.
I’ll give this a 5/10, but only because of your Mac Sabbath poster.
5. Thou shalt not worship pop idols
This is one of those pictures where you could safely assume that the person is a mentally ill Japanophile living off neetbux in America.
However, further investigation tells me that this setup actually belongs to a Japanese guy.
The group in question is called Nogizaka46, and apparently they have almost 40 active members. And here I thought Slipknot was excessive with 9 members.
The Japanese take their pop idols seriously, and this guy is no exception. Whenever I see stuff like this, I feel genuinely bad for female pop stars. If this is what the guy is showing us, imagine the shit he’s not showing us. This dude is most definitely having nightly orgies with harems of sex dolls that look like these girls. There’s probably a mountain of crusty cum socks under that desk. If I were the person in charge of security for Nogizaka46, I’d have this guy under 24/7 surveillance. He’s definitely a danger to these young ladies.
6/10, I admire your passion and devotion to your favorite musical group. At least you’re not a Swiftie.
6. The monster under your bed
When I was a kid, I had a friend who had a bunk bed. I thought it was the coolest thing ever, until I stayed over one night and took the top bunk. On that night, I came to realize that I didn’t like heights, and that bunk beds were fucking stupid.
Now, as an adult who gets up to pee no less than three times a night, I couldn’t even imagine sleeping on the top bunk. Climbing up and down a ladder several times in a dark room in the middle of the night would absolutely suck.
This Redditor has removed the bottom bunk and turned it into a battlestation. On one hand, it’s a great way to utilize more space. But on the other hand, unless you’re eight years old you’re probably too old to be sleeping on a bunk bed.
Also, why does it look like they Photoshopped the image onto the screen?
Aw, who am I kidding? This setup has the potential to be great. Put a blanket or something over it, throw some more lights and decor in there, and you’ve basically got your own little hidey-hole where you can jerk off to all the porn you want and your girlfriend can fuck off. Not that I’m jealous or something haha.
4/10. But if you spruced it up a bit with some lights and posters I could probably swing you a 6/10.
7. Go Birds dickhead
Saquon Barkley has endorsed pretty much everything in this city, but even he wouldn’t endorse this stupid setup.
Cooper DeJean said this setup is Cooper DeJunk. Nakobe Dean called it Nakobe Dumb. This Jalen Hurts to look at.
Okay, I’m done.
I didn’t look through this person’s profile, so I have no idea if they’re actually from Philly. They’re obviously an Eagles fan, and they have a Rocky poster, so there’s a good chance that they are from the city, or at least the surrounding area. Points awarded for Philly love.
Neither the Eagles nor Rocky seem to get much love on Reddit, so I’m happy to finally see some representation here. Unfortunately, you also have Star Wars and Marvel crap on your walls. Why does every single Reddit setup have to have Star Wars and Marvel shit? I’m going to start taking points off for this, you people are just as bad as Disney adults. Actually, you ARE Disney adults, since Disney owns both franchises. I hate what Disney’s done to Star Wars and Marvel, I hate what they’ve done to their classic properties, and I hate these insufferable fake nerd Redditors who fill their setups with the same generic Star Wars and capeshit crap in an attempt to emulate having a personality (unlike people who collect anime figures).
I don’t hate you though, Speedogomer. Your Eagles decor absolves you of your sins. Not because I’m a diehard fan (I’ll admit to being a fair-weather fan), but because I never see Eagles stuff in any of these setups. Unlike those fake nerds, you actually have a personality. Bless your soul, Speedogomer. I bet you’ve even got a baller sound system to go with it. Watching a game in this room probably feels just like being at the Linc, minus the $50 parking and $30 cheesesteaks.
All in all, this jawn looks aight. I’m giving this a 7/10. I’d watch the Eagles win another Super Bowl here with you. That is, if Sirianni can pick a good offensive coordinator this time around. Seriously Nick, what the hell were you thinking with Patullo? Were you trying to throw the season? I get that Kellen Moore wasn’t going to stick around, but you just won a Super Bowl, so why the hell would you replace him with a fucking amateur like Patullo? The stuff I’m reading about Sean Mannion isn’t looking too good either. I guess we’ll go back to the Super Bowl in another 10 years.
Alright, that just about does it for this one.
In the future, we’ll probably be including more work stations. I’ve been pretty proactive with keeping my image pool filled, and I know there’s at least one or two more office setups in there. A person’s work station is like a window into their soul, and here at AJnet Magazine we love nothing more than looking through your window, staring into your soul, and talking mad shit on it.
Please don’t call the cops on us, we’re just desperate for content.
Anyway, go Birds dickhead.
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