File 110325-002 - The Political System

Xyzabcrst attempts to understand the human political system.

In February of 2023, an unidentified flying object was shot down over Lake Huron and retrieved by the US military. Its sole occupant, an extraterrestrial biological entity named Xyzabcrst, was taken to an undisclosed military facility, codenamed “The Grotto”, and interviewed by base personnel. The transcripts of these interviews have been provided by an AJnet Organization operative working inside a three letter agency.

The following is a transcript of an interview with Xyzabcrst about the political system.

Major: It is currently 0947 hours on Monday, November 3rd, 2025. I am US Air Force Major [REDACTED] here with US Army Lieutenant [REDACTED]. We are presently at the Grotto to conduct an interview with the extraterrestrial biological entity known as Xyzabcrst.

Xyzabcrst: Where have you been, Major [REDACTED]? We have not spoken in almost one of your planet’s years.

Major: We’ve been busy. Between the budget cuts and the layoffs we’ve been so busy doing other jobs that we just haven’t had the time to come talk to you.

Xyzabcrst: Budget cuts and layoffs? Is your government running out of money?

Major: No-

Xyzabcrst: Is it because I don’t pay taxes?

Major: I’ve already explained this to you, Xyzabcrst. You don’t need to pay taxes. (See File 041123-03 ~Ed.)

Xyzabcrst: I do not understand how your government is running out of money. Previously you explained to me that your money is made of cotton and linen, two materials that can be grown. Why can’t your government simply grow more of these materials and make more money?

Major: Our government isn’t running out of money. They’re just reallocating it differently.

Lieutenant: Yeah, reallocating it into their own pockets…

Major laughs.

Xyzabcrst: I believe that Lieutenant [REDACTED] is implying that the government is stealing money. Am I correct?

Major: Well that’s a bit complicated-

Xyzabcrst: From what I have read on your internet, his sentiment is popular amongst the rest of your species.

Major: Yes.

Xyzabcrst: If your species believes that its leadership is stealing from them, why do they continue to allow those individuals to govern them?

Major: We hold elections to determine who governs us.

Xyzabcrst: So you are saying that your species willingly allows its leadership to steal from them? Why would a species act against its own best interest in such a manner? Do humans not have a sense of self-preservation?

Major: It’s not that simple-

Lieutenant: It’s because politicians lie. They tell us what we want to hear so we vote them into office, then they don’t keep their promises while they line their own pockets.

Xyzabcrst: I see. It appears that humans are not as intelligent as I presumed.

Major: The system might not be perfect, but it’s better than anything else we have.

Xyzabcrst: The best system that your species can come up with is one where you elect your leadership to steal from you? This is sensible to you?

Major: As Lieutenant [REDACTED] said, they lie so we vote for them.

Xyzabcrst: You are aware they’re lying, but you willingly vote for them?

Major: I vote for the lesser of two evils.

Xyzabcrst: So humans will willingly vote for someone who they know is evil. Interesting.

Major: It’s really not that simple, Xyzabcrst.

Xyzabcrst: I do not understand. Instead of voting for a leader you know is evil, why not just vote for a leader who is not evil?

Lieutenant [REDACTED] laughs.

Lieutenant: Because they’re all evil.

Xyzabcrst: This system is the best that your species can come up with? A system where you willingly act against your own best interests by placing evil humans in charge and permit them to steal from you? And humans view themselves as an intelligent species.

Major: It’s really not that simple- oh, you know what, we’re going in circles here. Just forget about it.

Major [REDACTED] sighs.

Major: I need a smoke. We’ll be back in a bit.

Xyzabcrst: I truly look forward to our next titillating conversation, Major [REDACTED].

The tape ends.

Xyzabcrst Files

In 2023 the US Air Force shot down an unidentified flying object over Lake Huron. The object was retrieved and the ship’s sole occupant, an alien from the Zeta Reticuli system named Xyzabcrst, was captured alive. The Xyzabcrst Files are transcripts of interviews done by US military personnel with Xyzabcrst, provided to AngryJerk.net by an unnamed AJnet operative currently employed at a three-letter agency.

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